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“Cat burglar”
I think my cat,
Is stealing from me.
It all started out,
When boxes of cat toys,
Delivered by Amazon,
Started showing up,
At my front door.
At first I thought,
It was my Ex-girlfriend,
When she walked out on me,
She took the joint bank account,
We both shared,
But left the joint cat,
That she didn't share.
The orders had been made,
On my computer,
From the saved information,
On my Amazon account.
All orders taking place,
During the day,
While I was at work.
She still had a key,
I was hoping,
Someday she would come back,
Or at least,
Pick up the cat.
So I decided to set my web cam,
To record 24-7,
Hoping to catch her,
In the act.
The next day after work,
I checked the tape,
And to my surprise,
I watched my cat,
All black with a tiny patch,
Of white on her forehead,
Jump up in my chair,
And standing on two legs,
She put her left paw,
On the desk for balance,
And with her right paw,
Moved the cursor around the screen,
Of my notebook computer,
Which I leave open and on,
On top of my desk.
She took the cursor,
And clicked on favorites,
And went straight to the Amazon site,
Then she clicked on,
The site's search bar,
And typed in cat toys.
Only the stupid cat,
Spelled it kat toys,
Lucky for her,
Amazon auto-corrected the spelling.
I confronted the cat,
With the tape.
As it played,
She looked at the tape,
Then she looked at me,
Then back to the tape,
And when it was all over,
She just shrugged,
Then walked away,
Stood by the window,
And stared outside.
Oh,
So she's going to give me,
The cold shoulder,
How could she say,
It wasn't her,
That to me,
All cats look alike.
I threw a rolled up sock at her,
Just to get her attention,
And then pointing at the spray bottle,
I said,
“I know how to make you talk.
I unscrewed the top of the bottle,
I could see that,
She was getting nervous,
By the way,
She was flicking her tail.
Then I started to fill it,
With cold tap water,
I screwed the top back on,
Walked over to her,
And held it,
6-inches away from her face,
Point blank range.
Now you can just admit it,
That it was you,
And we'll put this,
Whole mess behind us,
Or I am going to count down,
From 10-1,
And let you have it,
Right between the eyes.
She just stood there,
10, 9, 8,
She made no attempt to run,
7, 6, 5,
She stared straight down,
The barrel of the nozzle,
4, 3, 2,
Then all of a sudden,
I hear the sound,
Of the cat door,
Flipping open and close,
In the backdoor,
And the patter,
Of tiny paws,
Going across the kitchen floor,
Behind me.
I watched in disbelief,
As an all-black cat,
With a tiny patch of white,
On its forehead,
Jumped up in my chair,
And logged into my Amazon account.
I looked from that cat,
To my cat,
Then back to the other cat,
Then once more to my cat.
Who then turns from the spray bottle,
Looks me in the eyes,
And just shakes her head,
Before returning,
To staring out the window.
I really should have known better,
My cat,
Would have used a C,
To spell Cat…
For my cat Robitaille…
Tom Allen…03-26-2017