Within a heart still searching
Healing can be found
Perhaps voiced by memories
Within the confinements of nightmares and tears,
the heart became too overwhelmed to see.
To see . . .
That within the hurt of yesterday, there were also times of great joy.
Encapsulated memories overshadowed by devastating heartache
appearing in great volume in the quiet of the night.
Forgiven and forgotten
Direct in contrast
Relinquished to night's shadows
The pictures have been the hardest to forget.
The hurt subsides, but there is always
the daydreams on night scenes,
that push their way into the conscious mind.
Am I not stronger than the shadows?
It seems at times the answer is no.
Photographs of true love seen
Passing time with you
Within smiles that came too few
I now can more readily see the joy over the sorrow.
Holding to those times of love, becoming my lifeline,
to the truth I always longed could be. Hearing in the today,
the voices of sweet memories in place of seeing the shadows
that screamed my name.
I choose to remember the smiles upon your face when you
first looked into the eyes of my children. The love and
respect they had for you, their grandmother, is so evident
still within the today, even though you are gone to us.
We did not understand the isolation.
Maybe that was only for you to understand
and for us to try to find a way to put aside.
There was laughter and expressions of love until . . .
the night shadows would again call our names.
We seemed to have lived always upon
an emotional swing. Perhaps in the now,
there will remain in time, only the highs.
I choose to remember the highs.
One simple phrase that I will forever claim
as my own, in the today, now more believable.
"Remember ole Mom loves you"
Yes, I believe that you loved me Mom.
You loved me the best that you could love.
A statement in fact that was long in acceptance.
Quieting the pain, of not being able
to find our final goodbye.