Dissolve within myself
I swirl like flotsam in the ebb of childhood dreams
Of what I hope are nightmares
And flung free
From thoughts too bad to last
Caught within the swell of seething summer nights
Besides a bloodless, dark massed sea
I cannot forget. I cannot fight
I trip, and cut myself on jagged fragments of my past.
I writhe in the grip of half remembered pain
I fight the echoes of my sullied name
And only in not being find relief
And only in dying can atone.
No one can understand
You cannot know
How much you hurt me by your disbelief
Or how thoughts of self destruction scheme
Whether I am with you or alone.
No matter how untouched and bright I seem
I am forever tarnished by their sin.
I cannot show
How desperate I feel, and afraid
You do not notice how I note each blade
You do not see me eye the passing cars.
You do not see the long dug trenches, or the scars
Where ignorant armies grind
In slow and graceless wars
Across the moon-blanched landscape of my mind