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"A Piece Of Life's Puzzle,That's Made Me...Me." Always unfinished..



I've finally started 
To hold on tight
To a non-poisonous,filler

A love

Unshakable faith

And a place I like to call
A "forever"... home..

It's an elusive dream

With glue like substance..

A dreamed contentment..
 
To a long held magical wish
So long unfulfilled..

Because

"There IS
No place like home"

A real "forever" home..

No matter how much magic
It ended up to be..

It has to fill this abyss within me

Leaving the hole filled
Instead of more of
Just an empty...

Those old
Yet,constant feelings

That finally made me
Psychically then physically ill

Trapped in a battle to the death
Only uphill.. 

Never getting
Such needed fulfillment
In even the tiniest of ways..

Leaving me no contentment

No joy

Dreams I'd cry out in
In my unsleep
To God..

To make him
Stop

Touching me

Stripping me down

Whether clothed

Or unclothed

Butt

Naked, always naked..

Until i was painfully filled

Leaving me
A now more empty
Shell of a body..
 
I thought I'd finally gone
Until
Instead
A hole
That had just gotten bigger..

Gaping

Bleeding

Loudly crying out
To anything
Anyone..

If not God
Would a tooth fairy
Or big bird listen?

But I cried too loudly
And so again
With so much hope
Until hope
Was again gone..

And so again
I was (re)moved

Would my suffering end?

Would I ever be allowed
A home again?

But as my eyes cleared
Of a hope that had blinded me
Once again? 

So of course
Moved to another
"Non"home..

No matter how hard I begged or prayed

It was to always leave me
I was taught to cry silently..

The only action that remained
Was the lonliness without a refrain.. 

And not without
A cracking,
Blackening
Broken heart
Always in pain..

With loss
Of ever forgetting
What was branded
Within my brain..
 
At the time
An insurmountable pain.. 

Before
And
(En) during 
The next on-coming touch 
That made me wish
Instead of hope
That I was dead..

Since first memory
Replayed
In my little lost head..
Year after year

Feeling that there was no chance to heal....

Although
Everyday now 
Feels like a gift that I wake living

With hints all the more
Of a brand new beginning....

Where I can face myself
In any mirror..

Welcoming myself
Finally home..

Welcome now, child.
You belong Here..

This, a long unwritten poem
That only now
Dances in the dark
With finally a "forever" home

Now and always added
In the unending..

With a start
Of the beginning..

Copyright2017surrealdancingpoet




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