I have me four leafed clover
Me rabbit's foot luck charm
Dodging and diving and
Weaving to avoid any harm.
I'd just glanced at the headline
A local vacancy with M.I. 8
Going to be serving my country,
I just couldn't wait.
I thought I'd by following spies
Or monitoring mobile phones
Instead I'm driving this van
Laying out traffic cones.
Driving between Hull and and Donny,
Donny's Headquarters and base,
Feeling a sense of frustration because
I'm working in the wrong place.
I don't mind working for a living
But this is a dangerous job
I've nearly been run down twice
By some speeding stupid yob.
I realise I'd made a mistake
It was only the headline I'd seen
It wasn't with Military Intelligence
But motorway M18
I'll never be a James Bond
But the way these cretins drive
I'll need his luck and skill
If I'm just going to survive.
And I went and lost my job
After seeking my revenge
By blocking all the carriageways
With a miniature Conehenge.
By the time they came to clear it,
Much to my delight,
Road rage was rampant
With more than one fight.
They've taken away me uniform
And they've taken away me van
And ended my career as
Motorway maintenance man.
