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     “He Tried”
 
He tried
not to think
about it
the way she
tore him down
made sure
he knew
he had failed
her
she could see
the guilt
he was
carrying
if she cared
too
by looking
into his
eyes
which were
too tired
to lie to
her,
her point
being made
wasn’t really
what she
wanted him
to see today
he never
understood
why she
did it,
those days
she felt
she had to
cut away his
pride
bit by bit
till he stood
before her
only in his
shame
he could
normally
shake off
her bad days
being
snapped at
vented on
or simply
ignored,
but to be
told
he had let
her down
fail her
in some way
that was a
crushing blow
to him
when such a
comment
came direct
from her
very own
lips,
he could go
weeks on
end
hoping for
a chance
to prove
himself
to her
anything at all
just to try
and earn her
respect and
friendship
which was what
he wanted from
her
above all else
in this world,
but she never
really noticed
that
about him
or just didn’t
care to
something
he never seemed
to realize
about her
no matter
how many times
he was confronted
with the same
scene,
some of the
pieces
may have
been moved
around a bit
but it was
always
the same
picture
with her
and him
striking the
same
tired poses
him
living
just to be
seen by her,
her
seemingly
refusing
to ever let
him know
he’s been noticed
by her
even in some
small way,
her sharp
words earlier
maybe
carelessly spoken
maybe not
but the pain
they created
just wouldn’t
stop
following him
around
all day
he tried to
give her a
smile
when he saw
her
at the end
of the hall
but all his
lips did
were tremble,
he thought about
a girl at work
he didn’t really
care for
she had a
very annoying
persona
however he
always tried to
make an effort
to be kind
to her
handing her
fake niceties
to make himself
feel better about
not liking her,
then it struck
him
was he on
the wrong side
of a charity case
had he become
her special
project
being more of
a good deed
than a friendly
mutual interaction,
that thought
crippled him
wiping out
what little
self esteem
he had left
since the day
had begun
he looked at
his watch
three hours
left
he already
knew
what he would
be doing
during that
time
hiding
behind
his own
shadow
unable to
confront her
with his
inner most
fears,
to just ask
her
if she meant
to hurt him
with her words
this morning
because that’s
what she did
to him
but he was
a coward
more afraid
she couldn’t
care less
how she made
him feel
that it wasn’t
something
she took the
time
to measure,
even knowing
a kind smile
or a reassuring
look
from her
could turn his
whole world
around
in a heartbeat
he thinks
better of it
and just tries
to forget a
day
that wasn’t
even
half way
over yet
pinning his
hopes
on tomorrow
that he’ll be
stronger,
maybe say
the right
words
to elicit
an honest
laugh
out of her,
he so loved
to hear her
laugh
or a lingering
look
from her
as if she was
studying him
thinking
he might be
more than
she
first imagined
him to be
or just a
simple smile
as she looks
into his eyes
as they pass
in the hall
making him
feel guilty
for ever thinking
she would
purposely
hurt him,
but all those
dreams
live in tomorrow
so he’ll take
the rest of
today
and try and
push it
over the
horizon
and into
yesterday
so he can
forget about
this day’s past
and live in
the promises
of a new
tomorrow,
today…
 
     Tom Allen…01-21-2018…