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     “Broken”
 
He just wanted
to feel pain
he had taken
his fists
to the side
of his refrigerator
loud
punk rock
music
stretching out
the small
kitchen
he was standing
in
as he caved-in
the left side
of the only
major appliance
he owns,
he holds out
his knuckles
which are
already swelling
blood dripping
from the end
of his fingers
when he lowers
his hands,
he gets some
satisfaction
from the damage
he did to
his fists
not giving a
Damn
about the collateral
damage
the kitchen took
neither one
painful enough
to take her
out of his
mind,
he F---ed-Up
again
didn’t understand
the plain words
she used
in her sentences
the straight
forward
messages
she kept sending
him
that he mistook
to mean
something less
then their actual
value
never seeing
all of the
common signs
that most people
absorb
and process
with just a
quick glance,
the pain of
his hands
is minimal
compared to the
beating
she took out
on his heart
today,
he sinks into
his chair
surprised
he hasn’t started
drinking already
but the pain
he’s trying to
numb
isn’t physical
this time
and he’s not
really sure
alcohol
can handle
the job
a phrase
he’s never uttered
before
he’s afraid
to weaken
what’s left of
his confidence
and self-respect
what little he
has
can barely
hold him up
as it is,
he knows he’s
broken
has no visual
cracks
but still
anyone can see
his pieces
no longer fit
but considering
the way he
feels
his life is
going
right now
he’s not sure
how
he’ll try and
hold it together,
he lets himself
fall victim to
his circumstances
and takes a
few
quick shots
of whisky
in hopes of
some relief
it doesn’t do
much for
him
other than
make him
want to
cave-in
the other side
of the refrigerator
he just shakes
his head
at the heightened
levels of
stupidity
he seems to
attain
in all things
concerning her
never understanding
the simplest
of her requests
the most obvious
response
always eluding
him
he tries so
very hard
to read her
the way she
wants to be
read
but he’s socially
dyslexic
missing beats
and words
in places
where their
content
really matters,
he takes the
needle
off the record
the empty
silence
in the room
far louder
then the music
ever was
drops himself
back into his
chair
and just stares
at the plain
off white wall
in front of
him…
 
     Tom Allen…04-04-2018…