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     “Monday Morning”
 
He never liked
Mondays
why did they
always have to
fall
right after a
weekend
and never
before one,
he sat in
his car
pausing a couple
of seconds
before turning
the key
half heartily
wishing it wouldn’t
start
but knowing
he didn’t have
the money to
fix it
if his wish
came true,
he didn’t want
to see her
today
having already
admitted to
himself
he was a
coward
when it came
to facing her
he turns the
key
the engine
catches
on the first
try
causing him to
sink a little
lower
into his seat,
he hadn’t seen
her
in months
multiplying
the effect
of her sudden
appearance
on a day
that he was
going to work
during the same
shift
as her,
he backed out
of his car port
the sound of
the heavy rain
enveloping
his car
making him
feel
even more
isolated
from the world
around him,
how did he
let his heart
slip
so far out
of his reach
it was
normally kept
safely tucked
away
only bringing
it out briefly
in well protected
moments
that he could
control,
he knows the
flow of traffic
well
that the next
light
coming up
was about to
change to red
causing him to
slow down
instead of
speeding up
to make it
like he normally
would do
but today wasn’t
normal
other than the
rain
and his dislike
for all Mondays
in general,
he’s not sure
how it happened
an accidental
slippage
in the gears
turning his
life
somehow
her look
got through
unfiltered
to his heart
no blurry lens
to distort his
view
all of her
lines
angles
and curves
were sharply
in focus
that day
that one
Monday
almost two
years ago
leaving him
with nothing
he could do
to stop her,
his liberal use
of the brake
didn’t help
him at all
he didn’t catch
the red light
like he wanted
forcing him to
continue on his
way
eating up that
valuable
comfort
zone of
distance
between her
and his unstable
heart,
he thinks back
to that day
he left the
door open
to what now
feels like
the center to
his very soul
how did his
heart
by-pass
all those layers
of well placed
security
and get its self
into a position
that it could
influence
his life
in such a
drastic manner,
he gets cut-off
by a Prius
a car he already
hates
to begin with
a scourge
on the streets
of L.A.
his typical
reaction
of chasing them
down
and flipping them
off
is lost today
pushed out of
the way
by his troubled
stream of
fragmented
thoughts
one of which
is that you
can’t call
catching up to
a Prius
a chase,
he’s not sure
how he’ll face
her
will he look
into her eyes
if she allows
him to
or will the
weight
of his cowardly
self
keep him staring
down
at the floor
three feet
in front of
her
as he blindly
gropes around
in the dead
air
between them
trying to find
the right words
to say
to her,
why couldn’t he
just be heading
for a fight
with some
jerk off guy
driving a Prius
a handful of
stiches
holding together
a busted up
lip
after the fact
the kind of
pain
he was use
too
and knew how
to negate
it’s effects,
he shakes his
head
as he goes
under
the next light
missing the red
again
and starting to
feel sick to
his stomach
trying to figure
out
in the next
ten minutes
what he hasn’t
been able to
understand
over the last
two years,
he was always
so very careful
not to let
anybody
ever stand
too near
to his heart
never letting
any kind of
bond form
that couldn’t be
easily dissolved
and quickly
forgotten
but all his
rules
and protocols
were over ridden
on that day
that one Monday
morning
when as she
talked to him
he could feel
his whole world
slowing down
and when he
saw his reflection
in her eyes
it came to
a complete
stop
as time
and him both
were transfixed
by her beauty
and couldn’t see
enough of her
image
to satisfy their
visual needs,
then as she
turned to leave
she looked back
and smiled
and at that
very moment
his orbit
around her
shifted
and it would
never be
the same
again,
from that
first second
she started to
walk away
when his world
begun to turn
on its axis
once more
he couldn’t
attach
a single string
of thoughts
together
without finding
her
in the middle
of
one of them,
he finally
catches
a long red
light
letting his mind
slow down
and forcing him
to concentrate 
on nothing but
her
he knew it
was a mistake
to have any
kind of feelings
for her
that he would
surly get hurt
bad
in the end
though not
through any
fault of
her’s,
he knew that
there was
no long shot
or lucky roll
of the dice
to make her
see him as
anything other
than what he
was in her
eyes
to begin with
which wasn’t
much of
anything
that would hold
any type of
interest for
her,
he tried to
stay out of
fights
he couldn’t win
one’s pride
can only take
so much
punishment
before just
crumbling into
dust
but this time
he wasn’t
really given
a voice in
the choice
it was being
made for him,
defenseless
against her
as she stood
there
looking back
at him
her body
commanding
all his attention
her crystal
green eyes
arresting all
the color
in the room
turning it
pale
in comparison
to their
domination
of the light,
the harsh red
of the signal
disappeared
replaced by a
softer hue of
spring
and he was
back on his
way
towards her
no answers
or plans
just that same
sick
cowardly feeling
he’s had since
he first turned
the key to
his car,
he stops at
the last light
before getting to
work
the sun
having only
barely climbed
over the horizon
at this early
hour
a few of it’s
morning rays
make their way
through his rear
window
striking a little
brightly colored
fairy ornament
hanging from
his
rear view
mirror
it’s shadow
dancing across
the top of
his dashboard
a cheap trinket
he picked up
because it
reminded him
of her,
he had completely
forgotten
it was still
hanging there
as it now
takes
center stage
captivating
his whole mind
as he continues
watching it’s moves
as the rain
starts coming down
harder
letting himself
get lost
in happier times
when their lives
intertwined
for a better
purpose
letting those
memories
pile up on
top
of him
till they buried
him
no longer
hearing the
rain
or the horns
from the cars
behind him
after the light
changed
he just sat
there
staring at the
little fairy
silently dancing
alone
till the sun
rose
another inch
in to the sky
taking with it
that spot of
light
the fairy
was dancing
in
lowering the
curtain
on her
leaving
the little
fairy
alone
in a valley of
darkness
while breaking up
his hypnotic
gaze,
looking up
he sees the
green light
become yellow
he crushes the
accelerator peddle
to the floor
and as he
breaks the plane
of the crosswalk
on the opposite
side
of the intersection
the light
one car length
behind him now
turns red
his cowardly
self
still riding
shotgun
he thinks
to himself
maybe
it won’t be
all bad
she just might
let me look
into her
eyes
one last time…
 
     Tom Allen…04-23-2018…