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Church Conniption


I remember one holiday weekend when I was a child, 
Sunday school was gentle and mild, but there was a sermon
causing conniptions to a lady in the front row.
My Grandfather was a gentleman by all means, but that Sunday 
He unintentionally caused a scene

My Grandmother was his one true love, she was at her pulpit, 
She was an interpreter for the hearing impaired.
I sat by my Grandfather every Sunday, to nudge him if he dozed,
To prevent him from snoring in church, he kept buffalo nickels in his 
Suit pocket,  and chicklets gum in the other pocket you see, he'd popped gum in 
When the lights grew dim. 

It so happens this particular Sunday I sat by his other side, I saw his head bobbing
So I nudged him, so he dipped in his pocket to pop in some gum, but he popped
In a buffalo nickel instead, so I patted him on the back and the nickel flew with force, 
Hit the woman in front of us on the back of her head.
In one quick motion, with fierce emotion, she swung around with her heavy straw purse, 
By the end of the sermon, they both needed to see the nurse. 

Come every Sunday from that point on, the nickels are now gone!  My Grandfather would 
Have coffee before the sermon, he stayed wide awake, I still sat by his side cause I
Felt the next purse that ever would come his way would not leave the church in a
piece that day, he was so gentle and kind, the best Grandfather that the Good Lord
and I could find.

 



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Church Conniption