There is a Battle going off in my head!
The impossible dichotomy of life and death!
I wasn’t born out of love, it abandoned me!
I don’t know how to love, or be loved you see!
Love makes me feel vulnerable!
It makes me feel out of control!
Sabotaging relationships seems an automatic goal!
I have missed out on having children; buying a house; getting married; and living with a spouse!
A social misfit, who defied the odds!
I survived, but was this the plan from God?
Did God want me to exist in this world without value or love?
Questioning what is the meaning of life!
Repeating the cycle of misery and strife!
Why me? What does this mean?
My brain is stuck on replay of my life’s traumatic scenes!
Lost.. I am not living..
Misery.. brain spinning..
Emotions are a storm..
Is this the ‘norm’?
My mind is in conflict!
My thoughts shouting out!
Filling my head with questions!
Filling my mind with doubts!
My mind is so powerful!
It’s like a tug of war!
Life or death....
Who is keeping score?
It’s like an emotional bomb going off in my head!
Fantasizing about when I will be dead!
Tormented inside my head!
Tormented and wishing that I was dead!
Written by © Wendy Roberts 14-10-2018