For the first time since I got away, I feel more like myself. It's been fourteen long years since his hand made me wince . Nobody saved the day , I figured it out on my own. The way I behaved wasn't quite the me I used to be. Gone was the courage and in crept fear. I wasn't right but always waiting to run in high gear. Looking over my shoulder became the norm. Wondering who was bolder , I for getting free or him pretending to let me be? Condescending calls now and then, he knew what I was wearing and where I'd been. How he came to go away I'll never guess, I'm just thankful to live without that mess.
However survival came with a great cost a rival, one I thought I couldn't best. Feeling lost Anxiety and PTSD were to blame. It's odd to deal with shame, having to fight this invisible test no way to share it or let it be. People didn't understand or listen about the monster they couldn't see. It's like they know not to ask and I don't want to say , without trusting I'll never grow or heal . Like a mask put on everyday , such a daunting task to pretend I'm okay.
I don't know how it happend but I began to mend. I'm griving once more , doing it the hard way. Someone is haunting my memory , and I don't mind. How is this loving person leaving me behind the key to healing me in kind. It's rather strange to say but I feel my soul and my heart rearange. No longer am I falling apart , somehow I'm stronger ,nearly whole . Maybe it's her healing me in kind.