If you buy a newspaper from me,
I won't tell you, you'd make
a fabulous hand model.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I promise I won't show you my war wounds
from Vietnam.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't recommend for you
a weight loss plan.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't be ogling over
your Oxford or Cambridge transcripts.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't be green with envy
from your lifetime achievement award.
If you buy a newspaper from me,
I promise not to mention when
you're taking a liesurely nature walk with with your mother
how nice it is to see sisters getting along so well.
If you buy a newspaper from me
You have my solemn oath
I won't share with you my Congressional Medal Of Honor
or bust out my Nobel Peace Prize.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't bore you with specious
prep school exploits with Jesse Ventura
or Vladimir Putin.
If you buy your newspaper from me,
I will turn you off like a faucet
if you suddenly and irresistably feel the need to impress
me with your substantial literary achiievements..
If you buy a newspaper from me,
I can't guarantee you a clean bill of health.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't fix a glassy gaze,, at a point in space
and predict your future.
If you buy your street newspaper from me
we won't have our breakfast at Tiffany's...
If you buy your paper from me
I will say thank you and maybe smile
but I won't make an uncomfortably awkward fuss
about your penultimate generosity.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't give you, nor ask for a ride to the liquor store
If you buy your newspaper from me
I won't be assisting you in your search
for your lost childhood..
Buy your paper from me
I won't comment how
all donations I receive
go directly to more art supplies
.
If you buy a paper from me
I won't make you a star..
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't write a folk song romanticizing our
life altering encounter together.
.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't ask you to listen to my mix tape.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't french kiss you under the mistletoe.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't say I was a Hells Angel
at Altamonte.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't give you
the latest hot tips about how to make
your fortune in real estate.
So, get your latest newspaper from me
if for no other good reason
than you want one,
And, I'm out here on the block selling them
All editing and publishing rights reserved as is by this author
Buddy Bee Anthony
Re-Edited 07/13/2023 @ 9:59 AM Pacific Standard Time