Tattoos in Mayberry

51,430 poems read

If you buy a newspaper from me,
I won't show you my war wounds.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't remark how
you'd make a fabulous hand model.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't recommend a weight loss plan.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't share with you
my Oxford or Cambridge transcripts.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't show you my lifetime achievement award.
If you buy a newspaper from me,
I won't tell you when
you're out with your mother
how nice it is to see sisters getting along so well.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't show off to you Congressional Medal Of Honor
or bust out my Nobel Peace Prize.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't share with you
my prep school exploits with Vladimir Putin.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't proof read your new novel.
If you buy a newspaper from me,
I'll not promise you a full bill of health.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't predict your future.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't wait for you patiently
until you find The Lord
then arrange for you
a sit down with the Pope
If you buy a newspaper from me
no breakfast at Tiffany's.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't extend the duration of your passport.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I will smile and say thank you
but not embellish on your generosity.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't share my soldiering exploits in
the jungles of Vietnam and Cambodia.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't be joining you in the hunt
for our lost childhood.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't give you a ride to the liquor store.
Buy a newspaper from me and
I promise not to tell you all my proceeds
goto pay for art supplies.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't write a story, detailing our
miraculous encounter together,
promising to send the hard copy
away to Rolling Stone Magazine,
Vogue, and The New Yorker.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't write a folk song
about our time together.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I'll not ask you for your opinion
on my mix tape.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't french kiss you under the mistletoe.
If you buy a newspaper from me 
I won't say I worked
security as a Hell's Angel
at Altamonte.
If you buy a newspaper from me
I won't give you
 hot tips on how to make
a fortune in real estate.
So, get your latest newspaper from me
if for no other reason
you want to buy one.
And, I'm out here on the block selling them.

All rights reserved as is by author

Buddy Bee Anthony


Comment On This Poem --- Vote for this poem
Broke Newspaper Seller