Tattoos in Mayberry

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Children, what good are they?
They eat free at restaurants
or they pay a pittance according to their age or weight 
I don't receive those options
why should they?
Children are allowed to ride
the bus or commuter train for free.
Usually, children don't work for a living
so they rarely pick up the check.
Kids don't come at you one at a time.
Instead, they blitz you in bunches,
marauders in fun packs of 30
invading our public spaces
like tiny storm troopers.
While chitter chattering
endlessly about all that is interesting
only to them.
When a child loses a tooth, another one magically
grows back in its place.
They don't have to worry,
since they have a spare set.
I, on the other hand,
must lay out hard cash to my dentist
when I chip or break a tooth chewing on a 
jaw breaker
or peanut brittle.
And,speaking of candy,
children have commandered Halloween.
Once, a sacred and ancient Druid tradition
a ceremony paying tribute to their dead
Children haven't earned a holiday in their honor
so they've stolen one.
Children get away with being disruptive
screeching and howling like monkeys.
At least, monkeys live away from us
in the trees.
To make matters worse, children smell like stale candy
and barbecue sauce, their scent trail barely tolerable.
I especially loathe those special children
sporting Nike Air Jordan shoes
or sporting designer Hathaway button down shirts.
Nothing is more tragic
than a four year old in a three piece suit.
'Smile for the camera Skippy,'
I can scarcely imagine the abject humiliation following
these kids down the road.
Stop dressing up your children 
like successful adults.
Because, its a lie, and everyone knows it.
Is it any wonder these
same children get mercilessly picked on
by their peers.
Children haven't yet achieved anything except being born
and annoying strangers.
They should  be issued standard fare.
Keds, simple one color tee shirts, pullovers, corderoys or jeans.
Children ramble on about nothing
in the hope someone will notice
how wise beyond their years they are.
But, they aren't wise.
They are crumb crunching novices.
Ridiculous, little tragedians,
who haven't yet had their hearts broken,
driven a car,
paid rent,
balanced a check book,
or lost a job.
I've heard it said,
children should be seen but not heard.
But, I don't even want to see children.
Let them congregate on barges,
away from the rest of us..
A place where they can freely act out and 
giggle mindlessly to their hearts content.
The real world is harsh 
Life can be cruel,
unsavory, unforgiving, even grotesque.
As adults, we shouldn't have to adjust our behavior 
to a child's fragile sensorium. 
If anything, shouldn't it be the other way around.
So, when  I see some perky twenty something 
walking toward me, smiling and waving
instructing me to save the children,
I ask them, why would I care to do that?
I hate children.
When kids have some real world experience  
with the grit of living,
cutting their teeth through significant
community action, 
beneficial to all
then, they have earned the right to 
live amongst the rest of us. 

 Buddy Bee Anthony

comedic prose.

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