Children, what good are they?
They eat for free at restaurants
or pay a pittance according to their age or weight
Children don't work for a living.
So, they rarely,if ever, pick up the check.
Children are allowed to ride the bus
or commuter trains for free.
They don't come at us one at a time.
but, blitz us in bunches.
In fun packs of 30.
invading public spaces like storm troopers.
endlessly chattering on
about what's only interesting to them.
When a child loses a tooth,
another one magically grows back in it's place.
since they have a spare set.of teeth
they don't have to worry.
When I chip or break a tooth chewing
,
on peanut brittle
or hard candy,
I, have to lay down hard cash to a dentist..
And,speaking of candy,
children have co-opted Halloween.
Desecrating an ancient and sacred Druid tradition
paying tribute to their dead
Children haven't earned a holiday in their honor
so they've stolen one.
Children get away with being disruptive.
Screeching and howling like monkeys.
At least, monkeys live away from us
in the trees.
To make matters worse
their scent trail is barely tolerable
reeking of stale barbecue sauce
and lint laden candy.,
I particularly loathe those special children
sporting Nike Air Jordan shoes
or designer Hathaway button down shirts.
Nothing is more tragic
than a four year old posing for the camera
in a three piece suit.
"Big smile Skippy,"
I can scarcely imagine the abject humiliation following
these kids down the road.
Stop dressing little kids up
for success.
Because, everybody knows it's a lie.
Is it any wonder, these same 'special' children
get mercilessly picked on
by their peers.
Children haven't yet achieved anything special
except being born and annoying strangers..
They should be issued standard fare.
Keds, simple, one colored tee shirts,
pullovers, corderoy, or blue jeans.
Children chatter on about nothing
in the hope someone will notice
how wise they are beyond their years..
But, they aren't wise.
They are ridiculous, crumb crunching
tragedians,
Novice's who haven't yet lost a job
driven a car,
paid rent,
balanced a check book,
or had their hearts broken.
I've heard it said,
children should be seen but not heard.
But, I don't even want to see children.
Let them congregate on barges,
away from the rest of us.
where they can act out, freely,
shouting screaming and
giggling mindlessly to their hearts content.
The real world is harsh.
Life can be unkind, cruel and, unforgiving,stark
brutal, even, grotesque.
.
As adults, we shouldn't have to adjust our behavior
to a child's fragile sensorium.
If anything, shouldn't it be the other way around?.
So, when I see some overly enthusiastic, twenty something
skipping toward me holding a clipboard,,
smiling and waving
asking me to do my part to save the children,
I ask them, why would I want to do that?
I hate children.
When kids have some real world experience
with the grit of living,
cutting their teeth through personal sacrifice,
accomplishing significant positive
community action,
Then, vote on them enjoying the opportunity
to live amongst the rest of us..
Buddy Bee Anthony- Author
All Publishing and editing rights reserved, as is by this author