there are days
I don't know
how to speak
I feel inhibited
by what is going on
I experience a timorous fear inside
that I tamp down so it doesn't rise
to the surface
as a child
I thought
no,
I planned out my sentences
rehearsed them in my head
so that they would be practiced
and automatic
so that others would be compelled to listen
I felt unheard
so this was my answer
to the flummoxing problem
that was me and my resolute shyness
my inability to speak
all of my pre-planning
my sentence thinking stratagems
rarely, if ever, worked
especially when the reaction
failed to match my expectations
if I had been a dog back then
it would have felt as if someone
had just docked my proud tail
its a horrifying thing
to have that sort of thing happen
the tail being
the most indispensable part of me
to communicate all of who I was.
LEGAL COPYRIGHT FOR THIS POEM /TIME DATE STAMPED 1:13PM PST 8/19/2001
AND ALSO FOR THIS WRITER MELISSA A. HOWELLS
AND ALSO FOR THIS LEGALLY COPYRIGHTED SITE TITLE
MELOO STRAIGHT FROM HER TILT-A-WORLD
