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 ramblings and things

Night Terrors

It's so many long years since
I had a good night's  sleep:
The turmoil in my mind must be
Buried down in there so deep.
It's four in the morning
I've screamed myself awake.
I thinks it's a reflex defence
For my sanityĒs sake.
I'm aching and trembling
And covered in sweat,
Pyjamas are soaking
Pillow's hot and wet.

The horror crept up on me
In the middle of this night
I'm trying to calm down
But still quivering with fright.
It's not like a nightmare,
No idea of what it was about,
Just the feelings of panic
That made me loudly shout.
Night terrors they call them
Unpredictable but frequent
And when they occur they leave
Me tired, exhausted and spent.

So when  the morning comes
I just seem to drift my way
Detached, distant and tired,
Through the long long day.
My friends think I'm moody
As I try to put on a show,
Pride makes it hard'
I don't want them to know,
So I take all their joshing
In our games of give and take
Give as good as I get and hope
One day I  don't crack and break.

How many more years
Will these disturbances last
As my subconscious dredges
Up horrors from my past,
Things I thought I'd  forgotten,
Thing I wish I'd never known.
I'm just about surviving ,
Just about holding my own.
It's affecting  family life,
Putting relationships to the test,
Is it too much to ask for once
For just one complete night's rest.

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