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Richard The Third



Richard the Third was King of England
A man of good character and fame,
Worthy champion of his country
In the professional winkle picking game
His challenger was Henry Tudor
Who some said was Welsh
With a big long nose and
Very prone to belch.

The first match was at Whitby
Where everybody knew
There was a needle match
Because the couple drew.
Then Richard stayed in  Scarborough
At the Newcastle Packet Inn
And inexplicably lost
His favourite Winkle picking pin.

No Common of garden pin this
Such as the winkle vendors sold
No, his was Sheffield stainless steel
Coated in purest gold.
On such strange things do hang
The fate of our great nation
For the Sheffield  steel pin maker
Had been forced into liquidation.

The next round was at Bosworth
Out there on the village field
Another hard fought  thing
As neither man would yield
Then very sadly and
Much  to his disgrace
Richard lost his temper
And whacked Henry in the face.
Henry retaliated by
Hacking poor Richard down
And so poor Richard lost
His life, his title and his crown.
Then Henry spread rumours
After Richard's defeat
Saying he was humpbacked
With bad breath and smelly feet.

And the devious blighter
Sneaked our after dark
And buried Richards body
Under a nearby  car park
It was later rumoured, though
The evidence was quite thin,
That Henry Tudor had stolen
Richards favourite winkling pin.

The Newcastle Packet still stands
In Scarborough to this very day
With a special plaque to record
King  Richard's overnight stay.
Richard the Third was King of England
A man of good character and fame
Worthy champion of his country
In the professional winkle picking game

(Inspired by a walk along Scarborough front and seeing The Newcastle Packet Inn, complete with commemorative plaque, and a bout of insomnia )
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