I Don't know what brought me to this arena of life
Was it a need for more or the lust for greed?
It felt I was running my finger across a knife
to see if it would bleed
The ultimate form of self-harm.
Is to risk everything in a blink to chance
to see that dream within your palm
And lose yourself within that trance
I found myself at the greatest stage
They're were all here, cheering me on
Hope, love, empathy, honesty and rage
this is a place where I belonged
relationships, work family prosperity
All sat around this table, watching every move
but the dealer, the dealer , is all of your anxiety
who knows there's lot more rough than the smooth
The first card is like your fate in tarot
praying not for a two or six five
You feel your windpipe narrow
That split second you're in the afterlife
then it happens, the Devils tricks
you look at that card that makes your heart sink
you hear the groans and sighs, as your dealt a six
It could all be over in just a blink
The dagger goes into your stomach. twists and turns
As the dealer shows a their card… it's a queen
You lose herself in her beauty and it burns
I beg to my false God, that this is all a dream
then the miracle happens, my next card is a four
giving you the power of 10, you're back in the game
Hope is now washed up upon the shore
You twist fates arms but it only beings you shame
As Satan's not done with his tricks
The ground soon becomes like sand
As I'm dealt yet another 6
My mind spins so fast trying to understand
what brought me here why has luck disowned me
Invisible hands plunge into my chest, ripping everything out
Leaving you with only guilt, sorrow and misery
I scream, a merciless scream "What's all this about?"
16, Sweet 16, what do I do
hope that the dealer's number is low?
if only you knew
So, I twist and give it another go
And there before me, it stares back, alive!
All those positive emotions begin to flow
as you're dealt the immortal gem, that is a five
21, 21, the whole-body Bellows "21!"
The number you've been aiming for this entire time
surely? Surely! Finally, it's come to this, I've won
The huge relief breathes out your mouth "surely I'll be fine?"
but then the dealer…… … flips their next card
And the weight of the world slaps you in the face
all the negativity built up in my life hits me so hard
I hear the gasp behind me, then silence…….
All I can do is stare…….. at the ace