I am a thoroughly Modern Christian
For this thoroughly modern day
And I worship my God
In a thoroughly modern way.
I go to church when
And wherever I can
For as a High Tory
I'm a very busy man.
I lip service the commandments
Which are so truly out of date;
I've added my neighbours ass
To my ever growing estate.
As for committing adultery,
I agree with my dear wife
It's one of the few pleasures
Of our thoroughly modern life,
I render to Caesar what is Caesar's.
It's not my fault Caesar is so lax
In making it so easy
To avoid paying him my tax.
I pay the very minimum,
Not a single penny more,
And thank the Lord for providing
Those Tax Havens just offshore.
I'm on the board of many a charity
And donate whenever I can,
So long as its tax deductible,
To my less fortunate fellow man.
So, I count my blessings
Nearly every single day
And on the odd occasion
Even find some time to pray.
At times it's a dilemma balancing
My belief with being Croesus rich,
Up to now I've managed with just
The occasional conscience twitch.
I wash my dirty linen privately
And avoid public notoriety.
I'm a thoroughly modern Christian
One of those pillars of our society.