As a young man I never knew
Whether I abused my women
Or if they used and abused me.
At a very immature twenty one
Fighting to evade a court martial
A very serious charge, false,
But which could have put me away
For an estimated seven years,
The only high point being
In civilian, not military prison:
Existing in a hiatus in barracks,
Performing menial tasks to
Somehow pass away the day,
Every Saturday I hitched
Or took the train up North
To meet the older woman
Where, after an evenings drinking
She would find somewhere secluded
And we would indulge in
Uninhibited sex, not love
Confined inside her small car;
She would take me back to the pub
Early hours of the morning
To sleep in the back of a car
And help clean the pub
Next morning for my breakfast
Until she came back.
To take me off for careful pleasure
In an openly parked car
Until my return by train:
So it continued until I got my freedom
Found innocent of all charges
Demanding and getting my discharge
But the underpaid civilian it seemed
Didn't have the attraction of
The uniformed soldier
I returned to my parental home,
Visited her just once more
But the attraction was gone
And the sex joyless and so
I was dismissed from her life;
An episode of distraction in
A period full of uncertainty
Which had made the affair
A relief from a life of stress
And then it was over
We said our goodbyes
And two lives resumed
The boy had become more of a man.
Leaving me just to wonder why and
Live with my bitter sweet memories
And an unanswered question.
