The Void
The Beauty Within
In life, we find many things along the way that give us reason to carry on living, or that makes us second guess our actions and reactions to the everyday things we do.
Some of those things could simply be, a beautiful flower as it comes into full bloom, or maybe a tree that has the new blossoms, with petals that gently fall from each bud; as a breeze blows them gently across the fresh pastured grass.
These and many simplistic things, really inspire me, they give me purpose and help me to understand more about the wide world around me. I am a Kadampa Buddhist Practitioner by faith, and I find that having a belief system that makes you perceive the world through slightly a different doctoring or ideology. Can be very enlightening.
I was not always a Buddhist. In fact, I had no real religious beliefs what so ever, before I took an interest in the Buddhist faith. I spent three years, generally reading and researching numerous Buddhist practices. Until I came across a website advertising a teaching college not far from where I live. I spent a week there working and studying and instantly became a practitioner of the New Kadampa faith.
The reason I became interested in Buddhism is a little unusual, to say the least, as it was a moment of pure destiny, a case of right time, right place.
I was living in London, back then, during a period in my life, when things were very raw and unbalanced, I was hurting. I had found out five weeks before, that someone who was at the time very close to me, had passed away, after been in a coma; needless to say, this tipped the scales somewhat in my emotional state, and I spent a few weeks drinking and doing a lot of stupid things, that looking back I am not very proud of.
One day, I was sitting on a bench in a park to where I lived, and suddenly this man appeared out of nowhere and sat down next to me. He was dressed in unusual garments I had not seen before. And after about an hour or so of conversation with this very wise and genteel man. I found out that he was, in fact, a Buddhist monk from a teaching college in London, and was having some time, visiting a friend in the area, and decided to go for a walk, and that's where he met me.
His name was Cho Lang Gelsang I believe. He gave me something no one else could give at that moment in time. The words of inspiration I needed to sort my mind out and take the right track in life. I knew then that I was not meant to be there, that I had to move on, to find a path of my own to walk down.
So, words are important to me, as they create the very language we speak, and help us to convey our ideas, and put words to paper, or in this case computer screen. They bring the world of prose, and Shakespearean storytelling; and give us the ability to transform a story into a world of visual imagery in our minds when reading fairy tales and nursery rhymes to our children, and grandchildren.
I began writing my collection of poetry about three years after meeting the Buddhist monk. I began exploring the idea of writing poems, based on my childhood, and adolescence. And that was the start of building my collection of poetry. I have been writing it for the past 19 years or more. There have been many pieces of scrap paper thrown in the bin when drafts have not played out as I expected. But so far, the 70 or more pieces I have put together now reside on a worldwide poetry web site.
Writing them has helped me to heal wounds, that until a few years prior, were simply too raw and open to tend to. (I call them my life scars ). Those are the ones that people on the outside do not see.
But in times wounds do heal; because life gives you the strength to face things head on, to grow, and learn from mistakes, and inspire others, so they can also find their own paths to walk down.
And along the way, you find it within yourself to become the person you truly want to be, And I am glad to say that I have found my way in life, and found the beauty within.
Now I am happier in life then I've ever been. I am married, and my wife inspires me every single day. I have two beautiful grown-up daughters, and two fantastic grandchildren, who give me so much joy and happiness, They inspire me with their enthusiasm, and zest for life.
I have been writing some of my newest poetry, and it feels as if the words just flow from my pen, like water from a stream. My wife has also written poems, and even posted them on my site, as they are pieces written with real love and heartfelt emotion.
She is the one real true joy in my life, because of her, I feel like the world has real meaning again. After I spent over three years studying drama, at college and University, At which point we met whilst talking on the internet, I realised that I had found my soul mate. From the first few words I had written on the screen, I knew I had fallen for the women I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
The Beauty of my world, has my wife within its core, as she is the part of me that was missing for many years. She gives me inspiration every single day. Her strength and sincerity, are qualities that are what makes her the women she is. She loves me whole hardheartedly and I love her more than all the stars in the sky.
We have struggled in life, like most people, but the struggles we've been through have made us stronger as a couple, and as a family. Every day, I thank my lucky stars, and have a silent prayer to Buddha, that we have better health, and that our close circle of friends, both at home and abroad are all doing well in life.
We have been together now for almost fifteen years, and we were married over four years ago, and it was the most amazing day of my life, and as a couple our life was complete. Our children and grandchildren, and most importantly of all our nanna were present to watch us get married, and it was very special.
And in itself, was very inspiring, because she was 90, and still wiser and more opinionated than anyone there. Which is what I love about her. She speaks her mind, and no one would dare put her right. She inspires me, because of her strength of character, her love for her family, and the wisdom she passes down to us.
Now in life, I look for the good in people, rather than expecting everyone I meet to be negative or full of hate towards other people. Because I have carried a great deal of anger and rage towards people that have hurt me in my life. But I'm slowly, but somewhat reluctantly learning how to find a true peace in my heart, as I carry on with my life, and try and let the ghosts of my past, stay lingering in the distance.
I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that life is what you make it. If you get knocked down, get back up, dust yourself off, and carry on. Because if you let it drag you down, mentally, it will drag you down physically.
Now in life, I give back to others and try to do my best to be more compassionate towards other people's issues. And help others who are unable to help themselves, due to circumstances beyond their control. I have spent a great deal of time homeless and lived on the streets and in hostels all over the country. For a number of years, so I have seen a great deal of "real life' pain and human struggle.
As a result of my experience, I and my wife now do what we can to help homeless people, in need of help. And we are currently involved in a project to help a group of homeless people find new homes. By simply giving them donations given to us by people from all over our local town. This in itself is inspirational to me, because it inspires other people to come together as one community, to give something back, to gain positive energy. To be human and kind
There is the beauty within.
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The Beauty Within
The Beauty Within
