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A Time for Reflection

She asked me to take this time and reflect,
on what's good, and what isn't, and my next steps.
I guess you could call it a self-evaluation.
So, this is some of what I came up with, a few changes I am facing.

The good is plentiful, the bad is a tough call,
so many things I had no idea bothered you at all.
Since you revealed them, I have been working towards change,
they are constantly on my mind, each night and each day.
But it takes time, to fix what is broken,
patience and love, is all that I am hoping.
While I work on myself for both me & you,
these are some things I wish to improve.

My priorities have always been heavily focused on you,
I just go about them out of order, not sure what to do.
Taking hints from what you do or say,
I apologize for not going about it the right way.
I should have asked, requested we talk,
taken your hand and led you on a walk.
Talked about where we are and where we go next,
how to achieve or dreams, and what is on deck.

Instead, I kept silent, paying down debt,
and then buying frivolous items that I didn't need yet.
I apologize for my impulsive nature,
it's listed as a flaw, a mark on my character.
I also realized, I need to set a plan,
a routine to follow, to improve as a man.
I want to be better, all thanks to you,
all of these things, I am happy to do.

This is just the start, there are many more,
so please give me a chance, before you walk out that door.
Here some other, more to confess,
all in the name of love, to get them off my chest.

Please understand, you were never second best,
you were truly and ultimately, my greatest conquest.
So proud to have you by my side,
about our wedding & honeymoon, I often fantasized.
I was so focused on the where and the how,
that I completely disregarded it when you asked to get married now.
Only because I wanted so badly for you to have your dream wedding,
not something in the future, that I wanted you regretting.
Now looking back, what did I do!?
Another impulse decision, without talking it through.
For this I am sorry, truly apologetic,
nothing will convey how much I honestly regret it.

I have high anxiety and that ruins things,
always worried about things I can't change.
My thoughts sharp as razors, cutting so deep,
my brain is my downfall, letting it think.
I can turn it off when surrounded by her,
but when I'm not, my thoughts are a blur.
Too many to count, it's an aggressive takeover,
but I'm better in control since I have grown older.

Previously burned in past relationships,
sometimes letting out undeserved quips.
In more instance that one, not even aware,
you don't deserve it, and I promise you that I will do better.
Never to compare what we have to my past,
clearly, they were bad, which is why they didn't last.

What we have is real, you cannot deny,
take me by the hands, and look into my eyes.
You will see a fire that burns so hot,
completely enamored by this love that I've got.
As I try to do my best to hold on,
please say you'll be home soon, love always; Shawn.

Original Work by: Shawn A.

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A Time for Reflection