Tattoos in Mayberry

67,281 poems read

Gather round your television sets.
Up next witness a sharp blade slitting a virgin's wrists.
Get out your checkbooks.
Or your credit card,
and we'll send you a pendant with her blood.
A little more money.
We'll teach you the fastest and easiest
ways to end it all, neat and bloodless at home.

A little short on cash
we'll sacrifice a baby goat
sending you the recording on DVD.
In special thanks for supporting our cause.
we'd like to send you an added bonus
Our best selling book.
on  slaughtering farm animals
along with our  quick and easy method
for field dressing an 1800 pound moose.
Included, at no extra charge,
we'll provide creative and money saving,
euthanasia options for your elder pets..
Order now.
Friendly, helpful operators are here 24 hours a day
to take your order
When you get on our leader board right now
 we'll send you
live leaches to bleed you back to health
in a hermetically sealed pouch.
For our grand prize winner
You'll get our award winning short film 'Chum in the water'
filming those last terrifying moments of capsized sailors
who become food for Mako Sharks.
underwater film photography
brings you gut wrenchingly close up action.
providing hours of viewing pleasure.. for the whole family.
Travel with us
to all parts of the globe with our popular,
in depth,  
cookbook with recipes on 
how to prepare and render your bush meat
more flavorful and  tender.
Plus, if you're the first 200 callers
we'll include  tips on how
to burn your home or business down
to collect the insurance money
Chapter 2 tells you how to
break laws and get away Scot free
leave any police officer or courtroom so paralyzed, and stunned,
they're powerless to prosecute.
with this  winning phrase
'What else could I do, but retaliate.
I had to do it, they spit on me and called me a dirty Jew".
Watch the steam being released from most any prosecutors ears.
Judges won't touch your case.
Also included in the series
is how to avoid getting buck shot 
in the open field,
during a turkey shoot.
On the cover page, we show you.
how to save whales
by just leaving them be.
And as a special thank you we share our miracle cure 
for bringing back to life, a forgotten house plant.

We guarantee you'll love the entire series
providing you, your family and friends
with many years of
 viewing pleasure.
Buddy Bee Anthony

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