Tattoos in Mayberry

94,850 poems read

Gather round your T.V. sets folks..
For our next presentation,
witness a sharp blade slitting a virgin's wrists.
Get out your credit card,
and we'll send you a pendant
enclosed with her blood.
For another few shekels
We'll share with you,
our home audience,
tips on the fastest and easiest
ways to end it all, neat and bloodless at home.

A little short on cash
we'll sacrifice a baby goat
sending you the recording on DVD.
In special thanks for supporting our show.
we'd like to send you an added bonus
Our best selling book.
'Slaughtering farm animals made easy.'
along with extra footage 
on how to  most efficiently
field dress an 1800 pound moose.
.
Included, at no extra charge,
we'll provide you with creative, money saving,
euthanasia options for your elder pets..
Order now.
Friendly, helpful operators are here 24 hours a day
to serve 
you.
Get on our leader board right now
and  we'll rush to you in a,
hermetically, sealed pouch
live leaches to bleed you back to health.
For our grand prize winner
You'll get our award winning short film 'Chum in the water'
filming those last terrifying moments of capsized sailors
who become food for Mako Sharks.
Our underwater film photographers
bring you gut wrenchingly close up action.
providing hours of thrill packed, viewing pleasure.
. for you and your whole family.
Travel
to all parts of the globe with us and
receive our new edition,,
in depth,  
cookbook with amazing recipes  
to better prepare and render your bush meat
more flavorful and  tender.
Plus, if you're the first 200 callers
we'll include  tips on how
to burn your home or business down
to collect  'your' insurance money
Chapter 2 tells you how to
break most any law on the books
and get away Scot free
Leave police officers  and judges in courtrooms so stunned with paralysis
they're powerless to prosecute.
with this  winning phrase
'What else could I do, but retaliate.
I had to do it, they spit on me and called me a dirty Jew".
Watch the steam being released from the ears of the prosecution..
At worst, judges will call for a mistrial..
Also included in the series
is how to avoid getting buck shot 
in the open field,
during a turkey shoot.
On the cover page, we show you.
how to save whales
by just leaving them be.
And as a special thank you
we'll share our miracle cure 
for bringing back to life, a neglected house plant.

We guarantee you'll love the entire series
providing you, your family and friends
with countless hours of
 viewing pleasure.
.
Buddy Bee Anthony

All editing rights and publishing rights reserved as is by this author


Comment On This Poem --- Vote for this poem
Servicing you...