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As Sleep Evades Me

I wish I could find a way to sleep through the night,
impossible to accomplish now that you're not by my side.
Laying restless in the dark, a tight grip on your pillow,
thinking of you, and how I never wanted to let go.
Starting to sweat, a sick feeling now present,
thoughts of our loss, and my impending descent.
I close my eyes, desperate to fall asleep,
hoping for that time, the pain will just leave.
If I am lucky, a few minutes I'll capture,
waking up to reality, knowing that I've lost her.
For each minute of sleep, an hour of depression,
falling backwards quickly, the process of regression.
A vicious cycle for sure, it's depleting me dry,
still crying deeply, but with no tears left inside.
Thoughts of her are beautiful, and play on repeat,
they keep me alive, but they also make me weak.
I fall victim to them, time and time again,
remembering them fondly, before sadness moves in.
I love her so much, I will never understand,
why she wasn't happy with all that we had.
This is the battle going on in my heart,
if she loves me so much, why did we part?
I promised to help her, no matter what were facing,
now we're both alone to deal with this horrible situation.
But I feel I'm the one who will suffer the most,
this isn't what I wanted, it was never my choice.
She choose to leave me, though I begged her to stay,
problems now highlighted, let's find our way.
I promised to work on what you have asked,
just please give me a chance, don't give up too fast.
She didn't see it that way, and was ready to leave,
kindly spending one last beautiful weekend with me.
That was the last time, I slept through the night,
holding her close, overcome with delight.
The feel of her touch, the kiss of her lips,
I wish I could freeze it and we could stay just like this.
The greatest feeling ever, when she was around,
now that she's not, I am feeling so down.
No longer in control, my brain is dictating,
no sleeping, no eating, just dire contemplating.
What can I do to get through this pain,
someone please tell me, it's driving me insane.
Questioning everything about who I am,
will I ever be proud of myself again?
I loved our life, and everything about it,
loved it so much, I often wanted to shout it.
Climb up so high, and exclaim to the world,
'I love her so much, my life and my girl!!'
Never before have I ever been so proud,
my greatest accomplishments when you were around.
All my best feelings, memories and thoughts,
keeping me going when all hope is lost.
I guess time will tell, if I will ever really heal,
my verdict is no, based on how I currently feel.
How will I manage to survive my darkest days,
with my mind, body, and soul all withering away.

Original Work by: Shawn A.

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As Sleep Evades Me