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The First Day Alone

Today there was no text, no communication, no call,
no greeting, harder than I thought...with nothing at all.
Now feeling much more real than it had felt before,
ever since she took her luggage and walked out that door.
The first day without her, completely horrible,
feeling dejected and utterly deplorable.
Doing my best to make it through the day,
but all of my feelings were blocking the way.
Not one who is very good at hiding emotions,
one look at my face and it was clear I had lost focus.
Trying to be strong and keep it in check,
takes all that I've got, more than I have left.
I say 'there has been a change in my home dynamic',
it is all I can get out, without feeling panic.
He acknowledges knowingly and offers his sympathies,
offering his help, if there is anything he can do for me.
He tells me to be strong, and don't do anything rash,
then asks me if it is permanent, or if she'll be back.
With my optimism waning, I am pretty sure how to answer that,
I think she's gone, she packed and likely isn't coming back.
He again gives his sympathies and tells me to keep my head up,
I tell him I am doing my best, I am sure he knows it is tough.
End of the day and I am headed home, no hurry anymore, slowly I go.
The V8 no longer screaming as she goes, low RPM's just turning slow.
The speakers are shaking, instead of the mufflers,
pumping anthems of emotion, acting like neurological buffers.
Belting out love ballads, in an attempt to offset the tears,
another breath taken, singing so loudly that others can hear.
Of course I am broken, sharing the last fourteen years of our life,
Until a few days ago, I thought she still wanted to be my wife.
How could I be doing well, with someone for so long,
if they end up leaving, it is like a part of you has gone.
She is always on my mind, so take a large part of my brain.
Still able to function, sure, but will I ever be the same?
My entire heart, belongs to her, name permanently carved within,
since she left there are holes, it may never work properly again.
It is an unfortunate outlook, that I really hope improves,
but right now just insurmountable pain, through and through.
Singing on my drive helps, in addition to these writings,
outlets to get my thoughts out, instead of keeping them in hiding.
Now back at home, I reluctantly & slowly shamble to the door,
opening it to a scene both silent and dreary, like never before.
Nobody is there to greet me, there is no sweet smiling face,
to fight that feeling, I say 'I'm home', as if it was a happy place.
Feeling tired, no...exhausted; likely from not eating,
slumping down on the couch, I feel like I've taken a beating.
Something to watch, distracting my thoughts would be best,
thankfully, I find a 2012 Cup match from the MLS.
An hour or two later, and my phone rings unexpectedly,
my oldest friend, unable to reach you, so she called me.
A very close friend, she can hear something is wrong,
so I tell her about it, and what is currently going on.
Supportive and solid, just like a true friend,
she says she is there for me and will do whatever she can.
Offering to bring me food, or we could go out to eat,
I genuinely appreciate the offer, it really is sweet.
Briefly I consider it, but fairly quickly decide no,
tell her she is welcome to stop by, if they decide to go.
Around an hour later, two friends knocking at the door,
come on in & hang out a bit, smiles, laughs & more.
It helped me very much, to get through the rest of the night,
Just when I was at my loneliest, with no one else in sight.
So whether it was pure luck, or by some greater force,
on this terrible day I had friends, and was offered their support.

  
Original Work by: Shawn A.


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The First Day Alone