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Not Sure How To Act

When we first met, I had never known anyone before like you.
Unfamiliar with the joy & love I had found, unsure how to act or what to do.
My assessment of you was stellar, so many attractive traits,
a new type of person in my life, you were well worth the wait.
Aware that I had not been the best boyfriend in the past,
I reviewed all my decisions in a serious effort to make it last.
You see, before you came along, I was a completely different man,
trying to take control of situations, no matter where I am.
This led to others calling me controlling or possessive,
something that I didn't see; but knew needed to be corrected.
I could also get jealous, and that can still be a problem,
but I worked on that very hard, and I believe I 98% solved it.
Sure, I can still feel it rise from the depths of my gut,
but I resist the urge to jump to conclusions, until I know what is what.
From the day we met, never wanted to do anything that would cause you to leave,
this is why I had to try to understand what it was that others could see.
In the past this behavior has caused nothing but trouble,
so I knew that I could not engage in any of it, if I wanted to remain a couple.
So, I promised myself to think about what I do, and what I say,
carefully thinking things through, before I ruin the day.
If I felt the old me trying to come back into my life,
I would push him back down, and ensure he doesn't arrive.
This led to change, whether you believe it or not,
the absolute best version of me, is the one that you got.
No longer trying to dictate things that are out of my control,
I decided just to relax, have fun with you and go with the flow.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that you were living with a lie,
I wanted to be a better person for you, and I would change or die.
You mattered so much to me, that I changed right to my core,
reassessed my desires, my beliefs, hoping we could be much more.
Although I was changing for the better, I was still far from perfect,
but you seemed so happy, I knew that every it was all worth it.
This served me well and we were very happy for many amazing years,
now I see it has backfired, and this just fills me with tears.
Since you were always stressed and dealing with issues from work,
I always tried to be sweet and respectful, to never be a jerk.
I would give you your space, so you never felt too crowded,
now you say you didn't want that, you wanted me around instead.
You should have said that, I would go with you anywhere,
even when I couldn't conversate with anyone else, I did it for years.
As an independent woman, I wanted you to have the freedom of choice,
never feel like you were under my thumb, or that you had lost your voice.
Now you say you want someone to take charge, be in control of the day?
Well...come on back over prepared, let's play fifty shades of grey.
Not that it would be new, the bedroom is where I take the dominant role,
picking you up, toss you on the bed, making you lose all self-control.
You remember soaking sheets, legs shaking, knees buckling, unable to stand,
too many O's for you to keep count in a single night, courtesy of this man.
That fire burned intensely and it ran so long and strong,
never once did either of us complain, when we were getting it on.
We shared a passion so white hot, we almost ignited,
we both agree; the greatest sex of our lives, no reason to deny it.
So, I will take solace in knowing that this was never the problem,
if those desires should arise for you again, I am happy to resolve them.
I ask you to keep with you, my assurance of my ability to change,
ever since the first time I met you, I have not been the same.
Should you miss me in the future, I am only a call or text away,
my phone number, both addresses, the same it will all stay.
While you are gone, I will continue to better myself and improve,
hoping one day again, I may reunite with you.
If that should happen, the changes you will see,
the loss of you, has also forever changed me.


Original Work by: Shawn A.


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Not Sure How To Act