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I Cannot Let You Go

I am missing her so much, it is making me physically ill,
no amount of words can express the sorrow that I feel.
The pain is very real, in every aspect of my being,
my body aches, I cannot sleep, and I am barely eating.
Just enough to sustain, enough for me to get by,
just enough to maybe survive.

But living without her, I never ever wanted that,
my thoughts still trapped in denial, hoping she will come back.
This hope keeps me going, and I continue to the next day,
sure that she will realize how much we love each other, and we can find a way.
I want to fight for her and show her that I won't just let her go,
but I am also afraid it will upset, and she will tell me to leave her alone.

My thoughts are random, and sometimes irrational at best,
considering flying to California, just to see what happens next.
If I showed up in her area, and just gave her a surprise call,
would it be romantic that I am chasing her love, would she talk to me at all?
I love her so much, for her I would do anything,
flying to Cali to express my undying love, surely that would mean something.
But what if I get there and she thinks, 'great another stalker',
it's not an obsession, but I am very distraught that I have lost her.
I know what city she is in, but no clue how I could find her,
maybe I just find a place to sit and wait, like a bench or a diner.
I am sure she is out exploring the city when she finishes working,
maybe she will see me, and shock of my presence will spark something.

She knows that I love her, but I don't think she understands how much,
she revitalizes my soul, my body and heart are fueled by her touch.
An absolutely stunning example of the girl next door,
so much to love, a perfect example of what any man should be looking for.
Being with her filled my heart with so much love,
it was plentiful, over the top, overflowing from above.
An amazing woman, that I still love madly to this very day,
such a positive piece of my life, I cannot just let her walk away.

What can I do, how do I save what we have?
She is already gone, but what can I do to get her back?
I need to do something, I am afraid if I wait too long,
she will find another, and it will be much easier for her to move on.
If this should happen, my world would no longer revolve,
half of me stuck in the dark, no signs of life, starting to dissolve.
No warmth from inside, and none from beyond,
stuck in eternal darkness, no indication of a future dawn.
The other half will still have light, and should mostly survive,
but it would never be the same, because the other half would have died.
Or you could think of my heart for what it is, my ticking clock,
with you no longer there to keep it wound, eventually it will stop.
Time would stand still, and it would no longer beat,
frozen in time for everyone, and also no one to see.
Deconstruct my body into all if its individual cells,
the building blocks of life, a mass killing on a large scale.

I love her so much, too much to let her walk out of my life,
but I don't know how to save us, how to make this right.
I think about her every moment, wanting to send her a text to say 'Hi,
I miss you relentlessly and I love you so much, please come back into my life.'


Original Work by: Shawn A.


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I Cannot Let You Go