Tattoos in Mayberry

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My  accountants told me
the good news.
They say  I'm finally well off
well to do.
I should kick back
take love potions.
Smell roses.
Take a cruise.
Court younger ladies.
Make breaking news.
I promise them
That's just what you'll do.
But, what plans can be make
When it takes thirty minutes to finish my bathroom business
What's worse is I must relieve myself
every fifteen..
When going out for a bite to eat.
They prod push me and prod with wicked stealth and unease
to the bleakest, back end of their bleacher seats.
Jerked, juked and  jostled in some crazy diner's car.
I'm marked down as their next freak show
at their wet bar.
So, I make for the exit and try to go,
 I get comped
with their evening house
special.
dropped into the drink
through their door in the floor.
I used to be five-eight
 you used to be five-eigh
in my stocking feet.
Now, in lifts,
I'm barely five-four.
My ankles hurt
and my shoes  don't  quite fit..
When I stand  up straight
my back gets stiff.
I can barely bend your neck around
to see all my new real estate
on the back side of my cheese.
There's a mugshot with my photograph 
under the heading of disease.
If I  could turn back on the juice
My game couldn't be beat
But, I'm sled dog tired
and clinically obese.
I'm going under without any cover
Doing my best to be discreet.

I look a little too good to be a troll
More like a reclusive hobbit or mole.
Sometimes I scare children 
grinding my food 
with broken teeth.
I order my meals on wheels
contactless delivery of cold sparce vegatables 
with Uncle Ben's Rice.
No love, just business
You go now, ugly American.
..

delivery people hate who I'll never meet.
They keep a safe distance from the germ that is me. 
The only way we communicate is the knock at my door signaling the food is delivered and ready to eat......
Everyone has troubles
These are some of mine...

I'm wasting away..
Suffering from a failure to thrive
 I'm in the vortex of this pandemic.
Come  join us we have poisonous  vapors.
the water's fine
Weary, disheviled, barely alive.
I've got pus filled boils,
barnacles and hives.
From overindulging on trans fatty foods 
smoking and drinking and camping out
next to  the interstate highway.
I inhale poisonous particles,
eat foods with pesticides.
Fallout out has fell on me,
from Chernobyl
to Fukashi
Won't have to contend much longer with The Bee.
Like you Covid has it's sights set  on me.
I'm pre-diabetic
They cut and split my chest wide open
with heart surgery.
My blood type-A
matches up to,
my  hot blooded personality.
I'm getting older 
and prone to infection
I cough up phlegm for no apparent reason.
My joints and lungs burn from inflammation.
I'm prone to another heart attacks.
after an hour on the library computer
 I've fainted in their stacks.
As they help me to my feet
I say, I'll be fine in a couple of moments.
But who am I kidding?
I plead with them,I'm perfectly heathy
don't make a stink.
I can scarcely imagine what they must think.
 the hearse or the drunk tank is the next road trip
waiting for me.
I prefer doing my fainting privately.


I look likea distracted teenagers badly drawn art project
of an out of focus cartoon character
in watered down ink.
My crooked lines
 watery eyes
My jowls buried treasure that sinks..
An unfinished master artist's
work that's been switched and then ditched.
You beauiful children are unaware
.
I used to dance with beautiful women
in softest satin with first rites.
Dreamily lit candles in enchanted circles 
A dervish with the promise of  moonlit delights.
Now I conjure no magic.
That Genie has left the bottle.
Pay me no mind.
Go around me.
I carry no malice.
God bless and keep
your  women and children.
This no count nebbish
means you no harm
At least not lately

At least, not lately.

All editing and publishing rights reserved as is, by this author.

Buddy Bee Anthony





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No Count Nebbish