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Thank You & I'm Sorry

Today when my alarm went off, I could barely pull myself out of bed,
called my ex-fiancÚ last night just to talk, but nothing was said.
She didn't answer, and there were no texts or a return call,
no response from her this morning, nothing at all.

This started me thinking, she doesn't miss me or want to talk to me,
I was feeling crushed, burdened by this heavy weight no one can see.
But I managed to get it together and head into the office,
only eight hours to go and then back to my abode of distress.

I make it to the parking garage, only a few minutes late,
and as I get ready to head into the building my phone starts to vibrate.
A text message from her, stating she just saw my call,
telling me Good morning!, exclamation point and all.
Saying she was available, I was so excited I almost stepped away,
to give her a quick call, but...I wasn't sure what to say.

I wanted to tell her how I miss her so much,
but she already knows that, I think I tell her enough.
I wanted to ask her why she didn't answer or reply,
but I don't want to fight, I surely don't want her to cry.
I do plenty of that already, no need to start more,
I don't want her to hate me, or see me differently than before.

So, I decide not to call or reply until after I get home,
that gives me time to think about it and call her when we're alone.
I finally make it home and start to get comfortable,
relaxing a bit and thinking of her, then I hear a rumble.
My phone is vibrating, vibrating; not a text, but a call,
I see her name pop up on my watch, my excitement eclipses all.

Looking at the time, I know she likely still had some work left,
but she stopped and called me, which made me feel the best.
The best I have felt since before I last waved goodbye,
the best that I have felt since she walked out of my life.
It was then that I thought, she really does miss me,
answering to hear your voice falling on my ears so softly.

You sounded so happy to hear from me, which made me happy too,
but I was already pretty happy that I was hearing back from you.
You told me that you missed me, and it sounded so sincere,
it struck a nerve inside me, and I felt the welling of tears.
Then you sounded offended that I was shocked to hear this news,
but we haven't talked in a while, and I don't know your views.

I tried to keep it generic, asking how you are and how work is going,
wanting to talk to you like we used to do, yet, hoping it isn't showing.
But, I have done so much thinking lately, and I had so much to say,
that once I opened my mouth, my feelings started to get in the way.
I had been doing so good, keeping my mouth from saying what I am thinking,
putting all my thoughts into my writing, to keep my ship from sinking.

Tonight, I started to push for answers, and try to figure out why,
why it is that you are so adamant that this love won't survive.
I apologize for taking it this direction, I know I ruined the moment,
we both seemed so happy to talk to each other, so I became the proponent.
Telling you how I felt, and telling you how it can still be grand,
if you would just give me a chance, and take me by the hand.

Promising to always do whatever it takes to keep our love alive,
I just want to save us, I want our love to survive.
If you question how much I love you, you shouldn't look very far,
for in your hands, you will see that you are holding my heart.
There are many things I said, not sure how much you were able to hear,
I didn't realize that you had hung up until the phone buzzed on my ear.

Again, I am really sorry and I hate that I made you cry,
so I wrote you a text, apologizing for it all, one last try.
I have said what I will, the rest will reside in these writings,
I won't bother you or bring it up any longer, to prevent us from fighting.
You may never read these and therefore; may never know these thoughts,
all these confessions of our love and how bad it hurts to have lost.

Original Work by: Shawn A.

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Thank You & I`m Sorry