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Will She Answer?

I called her last night, around seven PM her time,
she texted back this morning, 'Just saw your call', that was around nine.
Not sure how to take this, she always has her phone by her side,
not to mention she said it is still cold out, so she has been relaxing inside.
If this is the case, why did it take so long to see my call?
She didn't pick up her phone, or look at her watch in that time at all?
That seems a little strange, more likely an excuse,
maybe she just didn't want to talk to me, but won't tell me the truth.
Maybe she is annoyed with me, still upset from the other day,
when I sent her playful texts, hoping she would reply in a playful way.
So, I waited, fighting the urge to jump to conclusions,
we have not talked recently, so not sure how, or what she is actually doing.
I was patient and did not follow up with any texts or another call,
hoping not to deter her, worried those actions would not help me at all.
Maybe she is still working, she is always very busy,
she gives so much of herself and works such long hours, it really is crazy.
I have asked her to stop, for the sake of her own well-being,
but her desire to hear me has long left, she is no longer listening.
All those long hours, they eventually take their toll,
maybe she was napping, and was not away to take my call.
As the hours go by, my outlook starts to sour,
positive thoughts out, negative thoughts in, transitioning in only a few hours.
Maybe she had company, or was out for the night on a date,
the two worst possible scenarios for me to contemplate.
Could she already be on the mend, currently dating a rebound?
As beautiful as she is, I am sure there are eager guys all around.
My own destructive thoughts, sprung from my very own mind,
unable to prevent them, unable to rewind.
I wish I did not think this way, it only causes me more trouble,
and when left to my own thoughts, the torture is double.
It's my own fault, for reading into what she says or does,
still unable to understand why she is not willing to try and save our love.
But I just wanted to talk, discussing topics like we used to when I got home,
for weeks now; to work then returning to an empty house, feeling so alone.
You have always been there, the last fourteen years of my life,
arriving to a home now void of your, just does not feel right.
To put it in perspective, we have shared one third or more of our lives,
and now you just disappear, nowhere to be found in sight.
Think of one thing, anything you have loved and held daily for so many years,
now rip it from your life, tell me you wouldn't drop a flood of tears.
So, last night, I decided enough is enough,
I am going to call her and she if she will pick up.
Not thinking of the consequences if you should not answer my call,
not knowing how bad it would hurt me, not realizing the height of that fall.
So, as your voicemail picked up, and my heart started to drop,
I think that maybe it really is over, and maybe I should stop.
She is the sweetest, most comforting person I know,
but if she won't even take my call, maybe she wants me to go.
To go somewhere else, and to bother someone new,
do whatever I want, just as long as it does not involve you?
I cannot accept this, and I refuse to walk away,
our love is something special, that I will always try to save.
With each notification alert that comes through,
I am checking my phone and my watch, looking for you.
So, now back to today, and what I interpreted as an excited reply,
'Good morning!' she sent, the exclamation point was her choice, but not sure why.
Is it because she misses me more and more with each passing day,
or is it because she had a great night with someone else, I truly cannot say.
Could this happiness I see in her message, and my call be related?
To think that it is, my heart is truly elated.
She tells me that she is available now if I am...
elevating my heart rate and triggering my hope once again.
But I am at work now, and I believe she is aware,
I will not be able to call her anytime soon, least not while I am here.
Although I would love to talk to her, I choose not to respond,
knowing it would be harder to focus on work once our call is done.
Also, I know it would likely impact the rest of her day,
and I do not want to affect her in a negative way.
Not that I would be negative, or say anything hurtful,
but even good conversations can end being tearful.
No, I will just wait until I get home,
the place where our love was once safe and warm.


Original Work by: Shawn A.



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Will She Answer?