The Only Way I Can Speak

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Not really A Poem

How come in the moment it is so easy to do, to push away everything you know.
And just for a moment you ruin the truth, and with one mistake many more grow.
It keeps getting worse and worse, when you have something to hide no one you can confide.
Life becomes cursed, guilty but not charged until it becomes no longer a lie.
Truth can be painful, it can be a knife in the back.
It hurts innocent people, and can turn a heart black.
I'm carrying some stuff that I am a coward to admit though I feel it is the right thing to do.
How can you hurt someone in the worst way and then tell them you have been untrue?
I don't want to tell him because he is the best, which makes me even more terrible.
How do I confess, why did I do this? I comb through every variable.
The truth is I don't know what happened to me, I became disgusting with one action.
Will it really set me free? Do I deserve freedom if I kill all the attraction?
What do I do I am terrified, I feel dirty and like trash a real waste
Why did I How could I what should i do? there is nothing that can be erased.
Yet most hope that it does just go away, each day that passes it gets further away.
Until one day, it comes back in the worst way, then what do you say? Still I pray.
Forgive me for my sins, but can it be if it is never confessed? Does one want forgiveness if it is never told?
I am not deserving of anything, I will never win, my self I have messed. No lie ever grows to old.
Everything is to late, the longer you wait, the pain will still feel the same.
I have everything and nothing on my plate, I have only myself to blame for this shame.

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Not really A Poem