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She Tells Me...

We go many days without talking, no texts, nothing at all,
I don't reach out to her, even though I do wish she would call.
I know that if she wanted to call or text, that she would...
I understand that when she doesn't, it hurts much more than I think it should.
I try to keep myself busy, working tirelessly on anything I can find,
something to occupy my hands, something to occupy my mind.
My body is exhausted, muscles are tight and tense,
I am unable to sleep through the night, but I do my best.
She doesn't understand how much I still look forward to every interaction,
any communication with her, tends to bring me some level of satisfaction.
Conversations can keep me positive for a couple of days,
but physical interactions, have healing power that really stays.
When we do finally speak, she seems so excited,
I don't believe it is because of me, but she doesn't try to hide it.
I misguidedly tell myself it is because I am missed,
remember the feeling of the last time we kissed.
But in my heart, I know that isn't true...
I am sure your new happiness comes from someone new.
She won't tell me, and I understand why,
she doesn't want to hurt me further; she doesn't want me to cry.
When I see her, I don my happy mask,
smiling while dying inside, telling her I am ok when she asks.
A long tight hug from her, helps to replenish my heart,
we'll never be back where we were, but at least it's a start.
She is sweet and caring, she has always been this way,
even during the worst storms, she still brightens my day.
With this I am torn, I still love her and I always will,
but she doesn't love me and has told me she can no longer feel.
She tells me she no longer feels the sensation of love,
she tells me she no longer desires my touch.
She tells me she hasn't been in love with me for a very long time,
she questions whether it was just physical, killing me inside.
I have never loved anyone, or anything more,
I would have given her the world, and anything else that she asked for.
To hear those words, a twist of the knife,
these words brought me to contemplate what I have left to give in this life.
So many years, she told me I was surely the one,
I said the same, and felt like in the game of life, we had both won.
For so long, she assured me that everything was perfect,
but once she realized something was wrong, I was no longer worth it.
She tells me she was unsure and had asked for time to think,
then ended up in California that very same week.
This made me wonder, and then I realized a few things,
recalling late night texts, and you suddenly taking selfies.
Now I think I get it, those messages and pictures were for him,
well, I hope he is worth it, I hope you have no regrets in the end.
You don't have to hide it, and I won't ask anymore,
Enjoy your time with him, playing PGA Tour.
You see, there are several places that we are still connected,
my Xbox app shows you were playing a few days ago, just before we had texted.
Then online again, but yet...you were in Dallas with me...
How is that possible, oh...he signed into your account. Now I see.
However, I know you wouldn't just download this and play on your own,
so, there is obviously someone else, staying in your rented home.
Or maybe that was a lie, maybe your actually staying with him,
which means he has been there all along, what a shame, a sin.
A new person in your life, to quickly and easily make your forget about ours,
be he can't love you like me, and he will never shine brighter than our stars.
So, please keep your lies, keep your misguided untruths,
you may think your doing me a favor, but to find out like this, I've never felt more blue.
Never have I ever felt so unwanted, forsaken, and alone,
silently losing myself, disintegrating away in my own home.
Watching who I am fade away in the mirror,
wishing you would save me, wishing you were still here.


Original Work by: Shawn A.


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She Tells Me...