melissaahowells
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here I am
not editing my life not proppring my self up to look my best its been a challenge NO,that's the truth/my truth... at times, my life has been the sort of hell young children sometimes get but rarely understand "why?" I've been taught to be a big pleaser of others, I've been naive when it came to people, but especially with men.... I've been reduced down to a couple of choice chosen words but I will not deposit those words into my emotional bank account ever again I've developed many destructive habits ones people see and and judge andcomment on often, whenver they feel they can... I ate too much and I didn't eat at all and I rarely kept anything down I ruined my smile and my teeth and maybe my tender spirit and my feelings were choked on each time they rose up I felt I had to be sorry and make ammends I lived in an invisible bubble I lived outside under a bridge I bathed in public bathrooms I pent too much time in hospitals and I lived and breathed under the weight of opinion the heavy thumbs of others who couldn't stay me, being the reason for their convictions I was the entire problem and didn't bother with ammends.... Flattered, I was And beaten battered by the memory but not permanantly scarred the scarlet letter is one with I'm unfamiliar but I knew too one with which women are labeled for just being how they are thought of but not who they are I've attended self-help groups despised the membership odd how they judged me more than a Mother ever could half-broken people can be mistaken about better than any others the mirror sometimes lies even though the reflection reflects the way it should Nos, I know a true heart when I see and feel one I want a true love even though I've been told broken people (like me) don't deserve love unless I can prove my worthiness the golden stamp of my approval is a tattoo to show how good is my good-ness I fly the freak flag daily I change its colors I smile and it actually matches my eyes I've been told I'm a smart ass and wear smart pants What I won't tell them is I can't live with any more lies My friends are like me they are imperfect they have their quirks, their secrets and sometimes qualities which might make someone want to hide but they live and breathe and smile and joke and cry and act like real humans I'd give them my arm, my heart my soul if they needed it that bad no its not that I"m still all in with my people pleasing I know they got me back they have their freak flags they wear them on their tee shirts they got their own brand they got their own ways and means and thrills they make me laugh they love me when I'm bad and need it most after trying way too hard all my life they finally found me we've all been orphans we've all been losers we've all been heart-ached we've all been dragged through the dirt and skinned up bad but I love them I really love them I hope I get to keep them forever in this life time and the next and the next and the next. Great Spirit Hear My Prayer LEGAL COPYRIGHT FOR THIS POEM AND ALSO FOR THIS WRITER MELISSA A. HOWELLS AND ALSO FOR THIS REGISTERED AND LEGALLY COPYRIGHTED POETRY SITE MELOO STRAIGHT FROM HER TILT-A-WORLD 10:01 PM PST 6/23/2021 time and date stamped for copyright. Vote for this poem |
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