melissaahowells

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No One--I Know Who I Am

At My Gnarled Feet 7/27/2021

Burning The Trees Into Ghosts

Here, After?

Only The Lonely.... (its not about what you may think...)



And The Next, And The Next..... (written directly to page, will return later for edits)

My Truth Is Out There (re-edited for clarity of thought and image later)

The Better Poem

Crimson Crush (Re-edited and Mispellings Corrected 6/11/2021)

The Last Shall be Trace-less 5/25/2021

Beware When The White Night Calls // re-edited 5/25/2020

BUYING LIES 5/22/2021

The Future I'm Caught Up In...RE-EDITED 5/22/2021

IN THE WILDERNESS CALLED YOU

Broken Things Are Beautiful

Cool Pea-Green New Leaves....(Imaginarium)

Sharp Sticks For The Cinderella's

If Prejudice Were Dumb And Could Not Speak

It No Longer Surprises Me...

THE HEART IS AN ORGAN ON FIRE

Odd Things, Odd Thing.....

The Magical Closet( re-edited for clarity of metaphor)

The Great Tsunami Of Our Growing Grief written 3/2.2021--retitled 3/14/2021

WAITING ON THE WORLD (March/February 2021 poetry)

The Legacy List

WE SHARE... march 2021 poetry

This Firestorm Of Dying Lights..

The Threshold To The Other World...(March 2021/Feb 2021)

(MELISSA'S) ALL---TRUE---ISMS....3/3/2021 4:51 pm PACIFIC STANDARD TIME

I Long For Stars

February 11, 2012 / Today The Storm...

MOLECULES

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And The Next, And The Next..... (written directly to page, will return later for edits)


here I am
not editing my life
not proppring my self up
to look my best

its been a challenge
NO,that's
the truth/my truth...
at times, my life
has been the sort of hell
young children sometimes get
but rarely understand
"why?"

I've been taught to be a big pleaser of others,
I've been naive when it came to people,
but especially with men....
I've been reduced down to a couple
of choice chosen words
but I will not deposit those words
into my emotional bank account
ever again

I've developed many destructive habits
ones people see and and judge andcomment on
often, whenver they feel they can...
I ate too much and I didn't eat at all
and I rarely kept anything down
I ruined my smile and my teeth and
maybe my tender spirit
and my feelings
were choked on
each time they rose up
I felt I had to be sorry
and make ammends

I lived in an invisible bubble
I lived outside under a bridge
I bathed in public bathrooms
I pent too much time in hospitals
and I lived  and breathed
under the weight of opinion
the heavy thumbs of others
who couldn't stay
me, being the reason
for their convictions
I was the entire problem
and didn't bother with ammends....


Flattered, I was
And beaten
battered by the memory
but not permanantly scarred
the scarlet letter
is one with I'm unfamiliar
but I knew too
one with which women are labeled
for just being how they are thought of
but not who they are

I've attended self-help groups
despised the membership
odd how they judged me more
than a Mother ever could
half-broken people
can be mistaken
about better than any others
the mirror sometimes lies
even though the reflection
reflects the way it should

Nos,
I know a true heart when I
see and feel one
I want a true love
even though I've been told
broken people (like me) don't deserve love
unless I can prove
my worthiness
the golden stamp of my approval
is a tattoo to show how
good is my good-ness

I fly the freak flag
daily I change its colors
I smile and it actually matches my eyes
I've been told I'm a smart ass
and wear smart pants
What I won't tell them is I can't live
with any more lies

My friends are like me
they are imperfect
they have their quirks, their secrets
and sometimes qualities which might make
someone want to hide
but they live and breathe and smile and joke and cry
and act like real humans
I'd give them my arm, my heart
my soul if they needed it that bad
no its not that I"m still all in
with my people pleasing
I know they got me back

they have their freak flags
they wear them on their tee shirts
they got their own brand
they got their own ways and means and thrills
they make me laugh
they love me when I'm bad
and need it most

after trying way too hard
all my life
they finally found me
we've all been orphans
we've all been losers
we've all been heart-ached
we've all been dragged through the dirt
and skinned up bad
but I love them
I really love them
I hope I get to keep them
forever
in this life time
and the next
and the next
and the next.


Great Spirit Hear My Prayer



LEGAL COPYRIGHT FOR THIS POEM
AND ALSO FOR THIS WRITER MELISSA A. HOWELLS
AND ALSO FOR THIS REGISTERED AND LEGALLY COPYRIGHTED POETRY SITE
MELOO STRAIGHT FROM HER TILT-A-WORLD
10:01 PM PST 6/23/2021 time and date stamped for copyright.





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