Why are all these hash slingers
Constantly there on my TV
When did the ability to cook
Become reason for celebrity.
Eating for me is just like
Shovelling coal on afire
Just adding fuel to keep
Your energy levels higher.
It's a bonus if it tastes good
An even bigger bonus still
If it quietly does that and
More importantly doesn't kill.
As for that fine dining lark
Fashion apparently demands
They poke and finger it about but
Seldom seem to wash their hands.
I'm just a lower class peasant
But one thing I loath and hate
Is having to send my food back
To be properly served on a plate.
And as for the prices they charge,
Why are those in the catering trade
Constantly quoted in statistics as
Some of the lowest of the low paid.
I really don't wish to be seen as
Pouring insults upon insults
But shouldn't these foodie quirks be
Confined between consenting adults.
Give me a roadside burger van
You can almost guarantee it's clean
For sure as heck a Food Inspector
Will not too long ago have been.