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Soothe (re-edited 1:40Pm 8/17/21 for clarity for me as a five year old)


the messages
are mix tapes
no sense of making nonsense
pretending to care
when the attention
is diffused and elsewhere
born into the world
and immediately wished away
forgotten

teachers and kids
don't get you at all
too shy too quiet too stupid
they push, you fall
when you open your mouth
to speak
they tell you
"what gall..."
swish you away on down the hall
and forgotten

the Reverend-Minister claims
to be a kind friend
Death seems much kinder
he calls them again
--the police take Daddy away
whose shame is it
whose sin is it now
and when you ask him
he tugs  \on his collar
and gives you his scowl
and wishes you away
and forgotten

the relatives know every detail
and every little thin lie
the know your particulars
but they haven't felt the hell
knowing what's best for you
though they don't wear your shoes
making your decisions
you're too young to refuse
the look wear
registers shame and disgrace
they wish you away
solve the problem
on your own and soon again
you are forgotten

Now
you're bigger in your shoes
you're not as tall as most
you're whittled down a bit
you're scarred a bit more than most
you shun the meat
make it on the crumbs of the toast
shrinking
while you wear the ill-fitting disguise
you've learned how to clean up the mess
but not manage your life, their lies...
how do you
soothe?

soothe--
keep my insides smoothed
and tucked in
don't let them spill out
and make me feel like
navigating my life
isn't done off a cliff

the next step I take
I might miss
and fall
break down
to be destroyed on the rocks
right beside
cool calm waters

I didn't ask to be
someone's daughter

the vanity project
my peers' punching practice
the minister's bully-pulpit
the perfect problem to be plugged
into someone's left or right socket

soothe me
hold me
tell me it'll be fine
why do you continue on with
the lie

why
Mum and Da
did you not ever tell me
it would be alright?

you could've at least
lied
five year olds don't understand
at times
that the hours are not forever
nor the soothing lie

instruct me in the ways
now that I'm no longer five...
please, soothe.



LEGAL COPYRIGHT FOR THIS POEM/WORK/ 11:57AM PST 8/17/2021 TIME AND DATE STAMPED
AND ALSO FOR THIS POET/WRITER MELISSA A. HOWELLS
AND ALSO FOR THIS LEGAL COPYRIGHTED AND REGISTERED SITE ID
MELOO STRAIGHT FROM HER TILT-A-WORLD....WRITTEN DIRECTLY TO THE PAGE



re-edtied NOVEMBER 26 2021 11:42PM PST. MANY CHILDREN FROM DIFFICULT FAMILIES
ARE NOT TOLD THAT THINGS WILL BE ALRIGHT...AND THERE IN, LIES THE DEEP WHOLE/HOLE
OF THE PROBLEM. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN LET THEM KNOW IT WILL BE ALRIGHT
AND HOW TO SOOTHE THEMSELVES.





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