It's the Great British Bake Off,
A programme of self imposed stress
Where hopeful amateur aspirants
Cook strange things to impress,
Overseen by celeb Hash Slingers
With assistant idiots of the day
Whose role to ask stupid questions
And generally just get in the way.
You can see contestants struggling
Not to show how they're feeling
As the constantly babbling idiots
Carry on spotlight stealing.
I'm so waiting for that episode
When one cook decides, too far,
And attacks one of those celebs
With a large cast iron crow bar.
I can't wait for the excitement.
Hope they'll film it all in full,
As it reels back semi conscious
From a possibly fractured skull.
Daily bulletins from the hospital
Shown every hour live
On the odds and the chance of
Whether the idiot will survive.
As ye sow
So shall ye reap
Pain Death and destruction to
Each extraneous celebrity creep.
Oh life could be so entertaining
If they would only let us see
Real people acting naturally on
Real life real reality tv.