For years I had a problem losing
And putting weight back on,
But after years of intense study
My problem is now gone.
I'm now four stone lighter
And proved that it's true
If a man puts his mind to it
It's just amazing what he can do.
In spite of the pressure and
Threats of violence and abuse
From the diet food companies
And all those foodie Gurus
I'm releasing my solution
For all the world to see:
I only eat food that's been
Certified Truly Calorie Free.