I filled in the application form,
Fluffed the facts on question 42,
And three weeks later learned
I'd been accepted, I'd got through,
An approved Probationary Member
And just as soon as they were able
Fine Dining Restaurant Scotch Mist
Would grant me a Dinner Table,
Dress Formal, lounge suit and tie
Casual attire not accepted anymore
Entrance conditional on approval
Inspection carried out at the door,
Subject to Banker's references,
As I would, of course, expect,
Please supply full details
To allow them to be checked.
Just two years later and
I'd moved rapidly up the queue,
Various members having died
As older members tended to do.
You need stamina and patience
To work your way up the waiting list
And get your first evening out at
Fine Dining Restaurant Scotch Mist.
What a sense of achievement
I'd managed not to be rude
Or pass derogatory comments on
Artfully arranged, undercooked food,
Served so beautifully, I suppose,
On what looked like builders' rubble
Supervised by a Chef proudly wearing
Three day's designer stubble.
But, I'm a peasant at heart you see
So I won't be going there again
I'm really just an example of
Those Pint and Fish'n'Tatie men.
Give me a meal for preference
In a good old fashioned pub,
Or an evening of knees up at
Any honest working man's club.
But, I've made it in society,
Casually can brag in conversation,
See their looks of awe and
Respect at the realisation
I've got it there on my CV
Printed large so it can't be missed
I'm a fully accepted member of
Fine Dining Restaurant Scotch Mist.
