melissaahowells

      Poet's Home             All Poetry       Sign Up!  Login
© 2000-2022 Individual Authors of the Poetry. All rights reserved by authors.   466382 Poems Read.

Search for Poetry

   


Read Poetry
The Great Tsunami Of Our Growing Grief written 3/2.2021--retitled 3/14/2021

This Is What Mermaids Dream Of

Words Between Edward And Jane

Like A Small Street Dog Lured In By The Promise Of Meat

I'd Like To Be Your Shirt (when you wake up in the morning)



When Mr. Bemish Lost His Last Good Pair of Glasses

If Prejudice Were Dumb And Could Not Speak

THE COOL TILES BENEATH MY FEET REMIND ME

CHRONICLER OF DREAMS

YET ANOTHER ANTI-POETRY POEM ( re-edited 11/2/2022)

Certainly No Bread 3/16/2022

My Grey Haired Love...La La Lullaby , La La Lullaby My Love

Much Better Than This ( A Conversation With The Universe)

The Straight Story (What Happens When The Writer Inserts You Into Her Story)

THE TIDE CALLED LONELINESS

THE HEART IS AN ORGAN ON FIRE

A Girl Always Leaning Forward Looking for A Breeze

Entanglements

You Do As You Please 8/17/2005 found poem, readjusted 6/20/22

Appetites

How I Still Love You

Miss Tilt-a-World@

The Smile Which Eludes @

He Says To Me, I Think Too Much (and hence dream too much as well)

When You Learn Who You Really Are And What Is...

Anti-Poem Number Three 8/2/2022 Or, A Poem Your Proper Mother Wouldn't Write

Breathing On My Own

A Girl Is More Than a Beautiful Box re-edited 10:15pm PST 1/31/22

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS ANYWAY AND INSTEAD

Talk To Me In The Dark 7/8/2022

ANOTHER REFRIGERATOR POEM 7/2/2022

What Is The Price For Your Touch

More Poetry >>

 
Features

  Sign Guestbook

Read Guestbook

 
   

Not Alone In the Darkness (As I Once Thought I Was)


time is a dream
I'm dreaming
and a dream is time
going backwards

then what is the veil
between here and death
a different sort of dreaming

every ten years I experience
a cycle of tsuris
nothing out of the ordinary
but extra-ordinary
in its truly prescient "on-timeliness"

ten years pass quickly
too soon disaster strikes in twos
threes fours and sometime greater numbers
I am not made of the mettle I need to get through this
yet I find myself hardening into the saddle
forcing myself to turn my insides to steel
so I can weather the familiar
ten year ride with death

I am made more like the broken up earth
with layers of looser gravel underneath it..
when
the rain falls and falls
it accumulates
in underground pools
collecting my swells of grief

when I'm thirsty for memories of others gone
I drink from my pool of  thoughts
for some relief
but find myself coming up dry
and still wanting

recently another 10 year cycle came to pass
my night thoughts poked at me
kept me awake with the wearisome worries of
how long this cycle would last
and what and who would I lose and have to grieve

I know I've no control over outcomes
yet my heart races and gallops like a frightened horse
trying to outrun a thunder storm
looking for a way out over the fence
and counting the seconds between
the lightning strike and the thunder

but my senses tell me to be there
for those who might need me
I am the one who winds up reduced
and depleted and on the short end of sense

yet something happened recently
which up-ended my world vibe:

my Mother's sister recently died
and she spent several days
having conversations with others
no longer walking this earth
she had extensive conversations
and my cousin told me it was plain
that a part of my Mother was still here
to talk with his Mother
the sentences he heard exchanged had pauses
and were conversational
and to anyone listening
there meaning was well-understood

my Mother was there in the room
with her Sister
and they were talking like they once talked
like two sisters would

at first
this was more than
my tender heart could take
until a thought entered my head
and I realized
maybe part of her is still here
and she watches ME sleep and she watches me wake

and if she was with me
then who else might be too
I don't care if you believe what
I am writing
dear Reader
I got the answer inside of me
and it was good

I am not as alone in the darkness
as I thought I was...


LEGAL COPYRIGHT FOR THIS POEM WRITTEN DIRECTLY TO THE PAGE
8/31/2022 2:34PM PACIFIC STANDARD TIME--TIME AND DATE STAMPED
AND ALSO FOR THIS WRITER/POET/AUTHOR MELISSA A. HOWELLS
AND ALSO FOR THIS LEGALLY COPYRIGHTED AND REGISTERED SITE TITLE
MELOO STRAIGHT FROM HER TILT-A-WORLD

written down to page...will come back later to edit for clarity of thought and style.





Vote for this poem