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I'll admit....

I'm hurting and it's my own fault.
I'll admit to not fully knowing at first if I really wanted to come back
I'll admit that I was talking to others until I knew for certain
I'll admit to feeling like I was making a mistake because I didn't think I could give you what you needed anymore
I'll admit to isolating and running
I'll admit to choosing you.
I'll admit to neglecting your needs and feelings.
I'll admit to not being there for you.
I'll admit to getting caught up in overthinking about what I should be doing here and there
I'll admit to procrastinating
I'll admit that I've done some messed up things.
I'll admit that that is not the path I'm on.
I'll admit that I have no desire to leave you and pack my things and move anywhere away from you
I'll admit that I want you.
I'll admit that I'm an alcoholic and I will start going to therapy.
Today is Saturday and I'm looking for AA meetings for Monday.
I'll admit I need help. I don't want to be anywhere else.
This last month has been hell.
Waking without you.
Just existing without you around me is horrible
I wish you would call my name and ask me to do something
I wish you would come sit with me and tell me about your show or your day.
I wish we could pick a movie and sit and watch it.
I'm uncomfortable with how I've treated you. I'm uncomfortable being here like this and I want you.
I call you mami cause I love you. I care about your well-being and I would never call another person that. Not something I call you.
I started calling you that cause you thought it was cute when someone called someone else that. I call you that cause I'm sweet on you.
I call your baby that cause she's an extension of you.
I call my baby that cause she is of me.
Y'all are my family.
The boy is too.
I'm not all that good at kid stuff....it is overwhelming I'll admit that
But that's not to say I can't do it. I just gotta find my rhythm with it.
Don't take it away mami please.
I want to be your partner.

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I`ll admit....