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My sweets....

To the love of my life...
I'm sorry for what I've put you through.
I'm sorry I wasn't a better partner.
I love you more than I can tell you.
Being without you is boring and empty.
I got scared of commitment.
I started looking at everything and I started thinking about falling into routine and you getting bored of me
I was afraid to completely live with you out of fear
That you would wake up and feel like this isn't what you want
I got scared and started acting out.
I started self sabotaging but it didn't just affect me
But everyone
I got impatient with my own emotions and didn't stop tripping over my own thoughts long enough to reassure your doubts
I lost you
Only this time I lost you for good.
I miss you.
Coming to you after work.
Knowing you were safe.
I miss you.
I had no business leaving.
I shouldn't have left y'all.
Almost a month gone and I can't get used to this.
It's not getting better.
It's not ok.
I haven't been ok since October.
But this is my new normal.
All caused by my own hand.

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My sweets....