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No peace to be found...

It's really nothing out here for me.
That's something I already knew.
I was fine where I was.
I already knew that too.
I was impatient and emotional.
Nothing I had previously said was to manipulate.
It was to make you aware.
Things I said from an intoxicated brain was not true.
It made me nervous to be such a big part of everything and I didn't want to mess it up.
When I left I had only one thought in mind
End it all.
But what does it mean when that's your go to when there's only turmoil
Why is that my go to?
I have trust issues and abandonment issues
And when I see the signs....I panic
I felt like at some point I wasn't going to be wanted.
At some point I would be kicked out.
I always am.
This is just sad.
Why did I leave you?
Knowing that there was a piece of comfort in even your scent.
Why did I leave you?
I shouldn't have left you.
Now there's no comfort.
I pray you come out better than I.
I pray you find peace.
I pray you heal from what I have done to you.
I am sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Lord what have I done.
If I was truly just out for myself I wouldn't have left....
If I was as selfish and cold hearted as you feel I am....
None of this would hurt. I would be able to move along
As if none of it happened
As if I wasn't happy for the majority of our 6 years
But I'm just supposed to be doing whatever I want to do
And all I can picture is you.
One month in and a lifetime to go.
It's not about money or sex...
It's solely about you. The things you give from your heart.
Woman....I am sorry.
I'm sorry.
I am so sorry.

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No peace to be found...