Tattoos in Mayberry

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I am the most important  person not just on the planet we live on but the entire universe.
According to me.
If you ask me, there is no one with more rights than I.
If you find it difficult to believe just how vital I am,
just ask me.
I am crucial to sustaining a critical balance in our eco-system.
Although, I leave a substantial carbon footprint 
and don't recycle all of my plastic and metal
every cubic foot of carbon emitted by my existance
is an essential nutrient for plants to grow.
My carbon dioxide is special and superior to all other gas emmiters
Speaking of gas,
My methane discharges  are fragrant and most aromatic.
Honest, ask anybody.
I could sell the sweat that comes off my body as cologne.
My man scent is intoxicating.,
Again, reinforcing how billions of people walk omongst us,
who woudn't give my body chemistry rave reviews.
No one I know.
I not only feel in great, demand. unlike the modest yet beautiful, amongst us, I feel flatttered, when objectified.
I want people to notice me How vanity works to my advantage.
It's mostly what you believe about yourself, you will project to others seeking what you have.
I have alot of quality,
. I might be the most magnetic
personality you have ever met.
You still remain skeptical, see for yourself.
Take a good look at me
go on, give me your once over.
Witness first hand, how irresistible my pretty pot belly is.
to lay your head across as a respite, and when you're comfort.
My voice will bellow and crackle like a warm familiar fire on a Christmas morning.
I love and need myself so much, that it's habit frming
You will need me too,, especially when I am unavailable.
You crave the good stuff.
I am all the stuff you crave.
Reflecting back at you 92% pure perfection.
The undisputed, abslolute number one selection.
I have gotten better, bolder,
eat better, sleep the sleep of the dead,
 and I have reversed my aging process
I've bcome an expert at age 22,,having turned 22 for the third time,.
I am getting super proficient at mastering age 22..
I want to remain there.
I don't know if i will live to the age of 23.
I dance, and sing like a Merry Prankster to Christendom, on Easter Sunday
Infuse me, as my progeny, with the miracle of creation. 
i want an Easter Miracle for those who might prefer to crusade with blood and sword running r
us to the non-believing heathen, one more year of joy, before going down the ecumenicle slide to my death, 
 All the ritualistic, sorrow, the  burning, the hanging,, the stakes through my hands and feet.
The searing pain of being closer and closer to death
.Better to traverse this life  a and pains, than to hide away in the shadows of obscurity.
Don't hurt me too much because I have planned for all of you a much improved 
crazy evil clown show
for  next Easter,maybe right afterward,
On April Fools perhaps
Next Equinox. Next lunar cycle. During the festering pogroms to come.
Until then I'll be up in lights, your next year's fashion with next  year's make up and hair
with next year's hairstyle nessage and vocal arrangements, Precient, innovations and ideas, I can almost promise you gentiles, 
I make my solemn promise my next Easter Sunday, springtime,feature, presentation will far surpass last year's stellar performance.. 
Assuredley once again shocking, aweing,, and amazing, you to a frenzy
Securing my position of  best in show and "breed", now and surely for many decades to come...

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The Most Vital, Crucial, And Important Entity In the Universe.