I knew I was going to have a fight
It was the chill in that November night
I had a few cans at mine, With my mate Lenny
We have a few beers and a line of charlie
It's only a short bus ride into town
I'm meeting the boys in the Rose and Crown
James was there already drunk
And Colin was stoned on some super skunk
“Where is Mark?” James says aloud
“Forget him, who's getting the next round?”
It's busy down the boozer this evening
There are some boys at the bar, they're well steaming
One's acting the tough guy, like Charlie Sheen
The little fool could only be sixteen
I leave it for now, but I've got my eyes on him
James has got me a bitter “cheers Jim!”
Colin's talking to Lenny who's just arrived
Some bird flashes me a smile, I take it in my stride
I'll wait till she's drunk, then I'll get a snog
I tell the lads I'm going to the bog
Whilst I'm doing a slash
That little kid comes in and starts smoking some hash
He makes some sort of joke
Makes light of the subject whilst having a smoke
‘What a prat' I think, taking a mental note
Boy, I'd love to cut his throat
I follow him out; he doesn't hold the door open
He is cruising to get his legs broken
A few pints later, I notice the little turd
Chatting up some bird
I pull my eyes away from the football on the television
I grit my teeth as I stare at these fools in sweet recognition
“Oh! Boys!” I call “where's Lenny?”
“He's in the bog spending a penny!”
“Why mate what's the matter?”
“Well aint that Lenny's bird giving that ponce the chatter?”
Lenny returns he aint that mad
He says she was just a slag
But I still think this guys taking the piss
And When I see them kiss!
I watch him go to the bog again to do a piss
I follow him in, the boys say leave it
But I'm having this little git
I walk in, he nods his head towards me
I come from behind him and smash his head into the Laverty
He falls bleeding. I pick him up by the balls, he screams
As I knock him flying into the condom machines
I laugh in his face as he starts to cry
My fist wipes away the tears from his eye
I go and sit back down with the boys, and get called a prat
We agree that we should leave, soon after that
We're walking home, and Colin's got a kebab in his gob
Lenny calls him a fat dirty slob
James is laughing he finds that funny
James taunts Colin, saying he looks like a telly tubby
These birds from the Pub are on the other side of the road
James invites them back to his abode
He reckons we'll get a shag
And starts giving it the blag
And it turns out he was right
Not bad really, a Friday night,
A piss up, a bird, and a fight!