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Aint No Mice In This Place!
There were mice in this flat you know!
Running all about,
And all you heard every day,
Was me giving shout after shout!
When I was moving in,
The tenant said to me,
Do you know we've got mice?
Come inside and just you see!
Oh flippin' ‘eck, I thought to meself,
Mice! I can't have mice!
I almost ran away right then,
Was about to legit in a thrice!
But me daughter said to me,
‘Mum, don't be a fool!'
‘I'll sort it out,' and just like that!
Everything was going to be cool!
So in I moved one morning,
To begin a brand new life,
But what the heck had I done!
I'd moved into a barrel of strife!
Oh blimey-oh-riley I'd scream out loud,
Legging outa the way!
Terrified of mice, extremely so,
I was in fear every flippin' day!
But hell, they weren't gona beat me you know!
Cos I'm as tough as tough could be!
So I went and got the mouse man!
He's the expert, not little old me!
So he set about setting traps,
But terrified of what I would find!
I said to the man that what will I do?
If a mouse in the trap I would find!
I will scream and faint I told him!
Then what would I do?
I'm already knackered!
If I fall, oh the pain I'd go through!!
Me bones are bad enough I told him,
So I can't afford to fall!
‘Ok!' He said, ‘I'll tell you what!'
You just give me a call!
Can I? I said, can I really?
Call you if I find a dead mouse,
And you promise, there you'll be,
Turning up at my house!
‘Yep!' He said, ‘Of course I will!'
‘I won't see a damsel all distressed!'
Cor blimey what a relief I thought!
Cos I wouldn't be at my best!
So I snuck around my flat for weeks,
Terrified of what I would see,
But guess what, what a relief,
No mice here there'll be!
I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed,
All over this flat of mine!
Determined to prevail,
So at last it would be fine!
And prevail I did, no mice in this place,
All is hunky dory and great!
But just in case I see one,
There's a trap all set for its fate!
Aint No Mice In This Place!
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