Musings by The Poet Loriet
What Planet ARE They From?
Of course,
I'm talking about men.
Every time I figure
out how to keep score,
they change the rulebook
in some secret
committee meeting
held at God-knows-what-hour.
I don't know what kind
of unwritten faux pas
they would be breaking
if they ever called
when they said they would,
but there must be
severe punishments
for that indiscretion.
When they say, "I love you,"
you have to pretend
not to hear them
the first couple times.
If you acknowledge their
declarations,
they get tough, distant.
They start looking over
their broad shoulders
in dark alleys, waiting
for another one of "them"
to show up and remind them
about the strict rules
regarding "commitment."
Alarms go off.
Emergency meetings are held
regarding "Code C"...
Then Guido and Stan show up
to talk to the perp,
remind him of what happens
to those who've gone soft.
You gotta get a grip, man!
Before you know it,
you'll be in the flower aisle
at the grocery store,
listening to love songs,
crying at sad movies.
Remember what happened to Johnny?
Now, I don't know who Johnny is,
but his name inspires fear in
these men on the edge.
It's like saying,
"Remember the Alamo?"
Strong men wet themselves
at the mention of his name.
Their hands tremble.
They wake up at midnight
in a cold sweat.
It was said that Johnny
"had it bad",
is too far gone
to ever come back.
At their meetings,
they take a moment of silence
and renew their secret vows
to never lose another member
the way they did him.
Spirit renewed after
a "night with the boys",
they come back and
act like a jerk,
say, "where's my supper?",
go read the paper in the "john"
(no accidental pun there)
and make an extra effort
to snore really loud
and be as callous
as they possibly can.
It won't happen to them,
no way, no how...
no matter how sweet the perfume,
how sticky the cinammon buns
fresh from the oven,
how intoxicating the shampoo
in her long flowing hair
or how short the skirt.
No, I won't call.
I can't see you.
I never said I loved you.
I think...
it's over.
We should date others...
But wait...
Could
we
still
be
friends?
A perfect ending,
following "Code C"
down to the
letter of the law.
"A perfect ten,"
they'll tell him
at the next session
as they raise their steins
in a hearty toast.
Stay strong, men.
Stay VERY strong.
They will NOT win!
Lori Beal
I'm talking about men.
Every time I figure
out how to keep score,
they change the rulebook
in some secret
committee meeting
held at God-knows-what-hour.
I don't know what kind
of unwritten faux pas
they would be breaking
if they ever called
when they said they would,
but there must be
severe punishments
for that indiscretion.
When they say, "I love you,"
you have to pretend
not to hear them
the first couple times.
If you acknowledge their
declarations,
they get tough, distant.
They start looking over
their broad shoulders
in dark alleys, waiting
for another one of "them"
to show up and remind them
about the strict rules
regarding "commitment."
Alarms go off.
Emergency meetings are held
regarding "Code C"...
Then Guido and Stan show up
to talk to the perp,
remind him of what happens
to those who've gone soft.
You gotta get a grip, man!
Before you know it,
you'll be in the flower aisle
at the grocery store,
listening to love songs,
crying at sad movies.
Remember what happened to Johnny?
Now, I don't know who Johnny is,
but his name inspires fear in
these men on the edge.
It's like saying,
"Remember the Alamo?"
Strong men wet themselves
at the mention of his name.
Their hands tremble.
They wake up at midnight
in a cold sweat.
It was said that Johnny
"had it bad",
is too far gone
to ever come back.
At their meetings,
they take a moment of silence
and renew their secret vows
to never lose another member
the way they did him.
Spirit renewed after
a "night with the boys",
they come back and
act like a jerk,
say, "where's my supper?",
go read the paper in the "john"
(no accidental pun there)
and make an extra effort
to snore really loud
and be as callous
as they possibly can.
It won't happen to them,
no way, no how...
no matter how sweet the perfume,
how sticky the cinammon buns
fresh from the oven,
how intoxicating the shampoo
in her long flowing hair
or how short the skirt.
No, I won't call.
I can't see you.
I never said I loved you.
I think...
it's over.
We should date others...
But wait...
Could
we
still
be
friends?
A perfect ending,
following "Code C"
down to the
letter of the law.
"A perfect ten,"
they'll tell him
at the next session
as they raise their steins
in a hearty toast.
Stay strong, men.
Stay VERY strong.
They will NOT win!
Lori Beal
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What Planet ARE They From?
What Planet ARE They From?
