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No More Fishies, And NoMore Wishes

it pained me
to walk into this bathroom..

i was in this sleep clinic
so they could see if these reacurring cysts
in my face
would lead
to more of this repeated
sense of impending doom.

in my cozy room

with straps
and electrodes
and people who don't know, who try to..

not like you do
i can't talk to you
can't share the fear

assaulted memories
bring me back
and again
it pains me walking into that bathroom
you know what i saw?
a shower curtain
with fishies..

just like the one i bought you

the same one i stole back from you

it was blue
with fish that were tropical
makes me feel blue
remembering the way i treated you
makes me feel black
full of wishes
surrounded by those fishies..

i lost you, you lost me
and the clearer my head
i remember..

not wanting any of us dead.

all i wanted (at that time) to do
was take glue
(no matter how crazy it was)
i wanted to take glue
and put the pieces back
they way used to be.


fixing you and me.

so deeply pained by that stupid curtain!
that turned out to be a window pane
to the past
and what had happened.
in the last


(claw to hang on)
days of this aquaintance.

thinking alone

in this room
with it's staps and electrodes
i thought about tearing down that curtain
and sending it to you
who's life (i) turned into a zoo

nothing remains

yet,little and big things stay
forever and a day, set in clay.

a guilty conscience makes it that way..

God, help me find another bathroom in this place..

one with no more fishies
and no more wishes.


(This Poem Is In Dedication To Those Surviving Cancer, Have Survied it, Or Is Going Up For Their Second Or Third Round and No Matter What Falls Around Us We Stand Up Strong and Keep Fighting; Even If We Have To Without The Help Of Other Human Beings, We Always Have God. This Is Also Largely Dedicated To The Family and Friends Of Those Who Didn't Make It.)

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