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Five A.M.





いいいいいいい

Please Tell Me

いいいいいいい
















What's
4 Ever 4







SultryRose's Signatures





Five A.M.
finds me writing again
in a semi-dark
deathly quiet
house as your
words haunt me.

I don't want to
hurt you ~ you said,
but the honest truth
is that you are
second choice
whenever I
need someone.

So, how can you
read poetry I write
for other people
after you have chosen
to push me away,
call me to say,
"we're growing . . .
apart now, aren't we?"
(at one a.m.~
four hours later,
the words sink
   i n . . .)

Yes, we are . . .
It's what you wanted.
And I'm trying
to fill that void,
meet other people and
learn to shut off my heart.
It's what you asked
for me to do.

Don't
fall in love with me.
Don't
give me all your heart.
Slow down,
I'm not ready.

I've been successful.
I told myself that
you would not break
my heart again . . .
I wouldn't let you.

Yet, you thwart my
efforts, show up or
call while I'm
on my dates and
check to see when
I got home or when
my date ended.

In the process of dating,
I'm going to let others
into my heart.
You know that I love
with my entire heart.
It's the way I am.
I don't want to be
anyone's second choice.

I need someone who
can love me back.
I will keep searching.
And when other men
touch my heart,
I will let them.
I don't like having
a cynic inside of
my atrium . . .

My heart strives to be
somebody's number one~
at one a.m., five a.m.,
twenty-four hours a day.

I appreciate your
friendship, the way that
I can turn to you and
you can turn to me.
I don't want to lose that.
So, baby, what
do we do now?

I'll never forget the way
you took care of me
last weekend when I
had a crisis, the way
you dropped everything
to come to my
office dinner, the
way you agreed
without hesitation
to give your time
to help me move
furniture this
weekend.

I have an image
etched into my heart
of my kids and yours
all snuggled around you
as we watched a movie,
of you and I cooking
and doing dishes together
as if it were the most
natural thing.

I don't want to lose
the friendship we've built.
However, we have to
grow apart until you
learn to let her go.
You have to let me
follow my heart
down strange paths
until I find
my sunrise.

We have magical moments,
but your honesty tears
into my heart and
I want to run away,
question what is real,
turn to someone else.

I've given them up,
hurt them to be with you.
I need to take a deep breath
and let them in, find out
who can cherish my heart
and put me first.

It's not you.
It won't be you
for a long time,
if ever.

I tried to love you,
but your heart is
closed for repairs
and slower than
project I-74.

Let's keep our friendship,
but until I'm first
in your heartmindandsoul,
you need to let me
stretch my wings,
and in that time
if I learn to love
someone else . . .
you need to let me go.

I won't be anyone's
second choice...
I want the top of the
Empire State Building,
Cassiopiea, the other
glove from Macy's,
over the fence,
out of the ballpark
here's looking at you kid
i knew the moment
that we touched,
she took my breath away
the first time i saw her...

       love.

And I won't rest until
I find someone capable
of loving me like that.
I'm human and it's what
I need . . . I've already
been hurt too much
in my life.

I deserve a soulmate,
to find my destiny.
My destiny is not
to be second choice.
I need to be
someone's world.
I can't be yours
if she already is.



Lori Beal



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Five A.M.


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