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Cancer is about to claim another victim


How was I supposed to know that this would be the last year
That I would sell her a pair of beaded earrings?
How was I supposed to know that she would be struck with this disease?
How am I supposed to know how her grandchildren feel?
She is leaving the world, slowly now.
Slipping between the cracks in the wall,
The cracks in the pavement,
A crack in time…
We used to talk all the time,
She was so kind with words and actions,
Yet so very verbal and I liked that attitude in her.
I don't know how to deal with this now,
Not after all the other deaths have happened.
I know she ain't gone yet,
But everyone says, in a matter of months, she will be.
And I don't know how to deal with it,
Other than writing,
I cannot find a way to deal with this new hurt.
I don't think that the Indian medicine can help her either.
She tried, yes she did. Tried to beat it but
It has consumed most of her by now.
How can I make it clear to her that she is dear to me?
I can tell her, but come tomorrow she'll have forgotten my visit.
That what it has come to now.
She is festering from the inside out and inside my mind
I think of how often we talked down at Boom-City.
Always could you find us behind the stands,
Smoking cigarettes and shooting the sh!t,
God those were good days,
Miserable in a sense, but good because we had someone to talk to.
I think of her as the woman who talked to me
When others shied away from my attitude.
Those summers are gone,
I wish they weren't gone, oh God this is becoming harder
With each passing day!
I hate it when I have to remember
But for her memory, I will always remember.
I don't know where to go for another friend like her.
No one is mourning yet,
At least, no one that I know.
I am mourning so deeply too.
I wake up to cry for her, a tradition of sorts, I suppose.
You cannot comprehend this.
None of you can.
It hurts when, in the past 6 years,
I have lost at least 10 people, who I have treasured,
I cannot bear to lose another one,
But I am at a loss as to how to help, how to deal.
All I can do is reminisce and write,
Letting these tears ruin the written ink.

December 22, 2003
Suge



*I have taken an entire day out of my life to write this poem, but that isn't going to cure the cancer from a good friend of mine. She is dying and people say she doesn't have long, so I wrote this poem to share with her, about how I feel and how I am hurting alongside her. She is a sweet but verbal woman and I couldn't have imagined a better person to befriend in my walks of life.







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