I remember everything that was probably five years ago
I remember having internet for the first time.
It was ignored forever and sat oblivious to us
On the computer desk that my dad himself had
Put together.
John and I used to sit in his room and talk while
Playing random video games on the Nintendo 64.
One time, in particular, he was playing Zelda and
I was sitting on his bed, back when it had a frame
And box spring.
I'd had an allergic reaction to something and my
Legs and thighs were an awful shade of blotchy red.
It didn't hurt though, just looked gross and very
Unappealing.
It was hard because it was summer and I refused
To wear shorts until this rash thing cleared itself up.
No need to cause unnecessary staring at my expense.
John and I used to play those games forever, but he
Never let me play Zelda because I was never really
Able to understand the whole idea of the damn game.
I'd just watch.
He was really good. I think he beat it once or twice.
I'd just watch.
I tried playing but gave up because I sucked at it.
The computer, in all its internet glory, sat on that desk,
Waiting to be used, like a hooker on a street corner.
Back then, the only time we used it was when we wanted
To print out game codes and cheats and guides to help
Us with our Pokemon and Zelda games, so simple it was
Back then.
When dad was working the graveyard shift, as was our mom,
Michelle would watch us and she would always be in the
Chat rooms.
For the longest time, that was all she ever did, chat, chat, chat.
Kiley hadn't even been born yet and Michelle was still
A child at heart.
She used to take me down to the Marina and buy me some
Pop rocks.
I'd drink them with some lemonade and we'd sit on the dock.
She told me she thought Chad had gotten some other
B!tch pregnant and she didn't even seem to have a worry.
I worried for her.
We'd talk all the time, and I was, then, jealous of her beauty,
I'm still jealous of her beauty. I want that beauty, she always
Looks her best.
We used to hang out at the Boys and Girls Club, too.
She and I would flirt, but she was better at it than I was
So she would flirt and I would play pool with some of
The guys she flirted with. Eventually, she dated some.
I tried flirting with Kenny but he flirted with Michelle so I quit
Flirting altogether.
But the internet was always there. And Michelle used to
Chat with Chad's father. I never understood that at all.
John would play his games and I would read my books
And write my little girl's poems because, that's just
What I did.
Michelle knew more about the computer than I did, and
John knew more about games than I did, but I still and
Always will know more about writing than the both of them
Combined.
That was way before John was ‘internet obsessed' and before
My depression got to be too much for me to handle alone.
Back when John would cry and be afraid that I would
Commit suicide. That was the most loving thing he
Ever did for me.
The internet was a world of confusion for me, and
Then I used it once and found it to be of some use.
I'd got into wrestling chat rooms and talk with people
Who I'd never meet in real life. I downloaded the
Hamster dance song.
I'd chat with someone who claimed to be the devil's
Soul food and, together we chatted about running
Off together and being famous groupies of sorts.
I'd gotten to be best friends for a while with a
Religious fanatic.
I never uttered a swear word when he and I talked.
Then one day I told him to go to hell and he looked
So appalled.
It had been a good day. I'd never liked him, I enjoyed
Swearing.
I became friends with a chick who posted something
Mean and evil about Michelle that made me cry awful
When I found out about it. Michelle was mad at me
And she didn't talk to me for the longest time. I don't
Remember how the hell we got over that damn hump.
Back then I talked sh!t about Michelle and John and it
Made me feel sh!tty to do this, but I did it anyway.
They never made me feel worth anything other than
A few fleeting words.
Now I don't talk sh!t about anyone. I leave that to
Lesser beings.
Back then, the internet was new to us and we were so
Not modern. We still have a microwave that must be from
The eighties.
I remember those days when Randy would come over
And use the computer to order CD's on Amazon.com.
I remember his on again off again relationship with
Madeleine.
Those were the days when I was known only as Saha,
Before Suge was even a considerate thought in my mind, or a
Tattoo on my neck.
I liked Madeleine but no one else seemed to. I still want to be
Her friend.
Mom and everyone else dislikes her but I really liked her.
She was someone I got used to very easily, very fast.
She talked sense into me when no one wanted to bother.
For the time, we were just two Indian women, sharing
Culture and advice.
Now we are nothing. Barely even acquaintances. It sucks,
I really liked her.
She liked me when no one else wanted to. It was nice.
Life was so hard in those days because mom and dad would
Be working through the evenings, and Michelle would watch
Over John and I.
I used to walk down to the marina and buy myself an ice cream cone,
And sit by the shore, hoping that some whale would come to
Take me away forever.
Those were the days.
They really were.
).setAttribute('href','//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetry2071&item=home');document['poetimage'].height='45';document['poetimage'].src='//poetrypoem.com/photos/poets/poetry2071-button.jpg';;WriteLayer('ptitle',null,'--==GOD==-- KNOWS OUR EVERY--THOUGHTS THAT IS-');WriteLayer('ppoem',null,'==--GOD--== KNOWS OUR EVERY HOPES DREAMS AND DE<a href="//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=1350032&displaypoem=t&sitename=poetry2071&item=poetry" target="_top" style="text-decoration:none;"><font style="color: #18397C;font: 900 12px times;"> ... More</font></a>');WriteLayer('poetinfocus',null,'poetry2071');WriteLayer('pdate',null,'2024-04-16')){kind=small}
poetry2071
).setAttribute('href','//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetic2984&item=home');document['poetimage'].height='45';document['poetimage'].src='//poetrypoem.com/photos/poets/poetic2984-button.jpg';;WriteLayer('ptitle',null,'Wow Ethics');WriteLayer('ppoem',null,'This action is so very painful to observe A pattern that is in someway suppor<a href="//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=1349027&displaypoem=t&sitename=poetic2984&item=poetry" target="_top" style="text-decoration:none;"><font style="color: #18397C;font: 900 12px times;"> ... More</font></a>');WriteLayer('poetinfocus',null,'poetic2984');WriteLayer('pdate',null,'2024-02-25')){kind=small}
poetic2984).setAttribute('href','//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=mypoems477&item=home');document['poetimage'].height='45';document['poetimage'].src='//poetrypoem.com/photos/poets/mypoems477-button.jpg';;WriteLayer('ptitle',null,'Lighthouse...');WriteLayer('ppoem',null,'Sailing inside a stormy Soul... The waves are too angry to be ignored! My m<a href="//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=1349946&displaypoem=t&sitename=mypoems477&item=poetry" target="_top" style="text-decoration:none;"><font style="color: #18397C;font: 900 12px times;"> ... More</font></a>');WriteLayer('poetinfocus',null,'mypoems477');WriteLayer('pdate',null,'2024-04-10')){kind=small}
mypoems477).setAttribute('href','//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=yosph&item=home');document['poetimage'].height='45';document['poetimage'].src='//poetrypoem.com/photos/poets/yosph-button.jpg';;WriteLayer('ptitle',null,'You Let Me In');WriteLayer('ppoem',null,'&ldquo Why is my tongue-tied At the wrong time” All I See&hell<a href="//poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=1350033&displaypoem=t&sitename=yosph&item=poetry" target="_top" style="text-decoration:none;"><font style="color: #18397C;font: 900 12px times;"> ... More</font></a>');WriteLayer('poetinfocus',null,'yosph');WriteLayer('pdate',null,'2024-04-16')){kind=small}
yosph
PoetryPoem.com 