Baby girl,
I wonder about the voices,
the demons that possess you
as I watch you lay on the
hospital stretcher under
white starched sheets.
When I had a little girl,
I dreamed of brushing
her long hair and tying
pretty ribbons, not
taking all the ribbons
off her clothing because
there are no strings allowed
on clothing when you are
a psychiatric patient.
I read all the parenting books,
knew every discipline method,
but how do you stop a little girl
from choking her brother when
the voice comes back or from
hitting her head because
"I just wanted to...He
told me to and I can't
let the voice get mad or
terrible things happen."
Baby girl,
I watch your eyelids
flutter against your cheek
like dainty butterflies as
we wait for an admission bed
and I wonder how I can
reach you...You seem
so distant from the
baby they handed me
in the birthing room
who blew little
spit bubbles and
made everyone smile.
When your heart rate dropped,
I rolled to my side and
breathed some oxygen
through a mask and
you returned to health
inside my womb, but now...
Now, there are walls that
I can't break through,
diseases that no one
really understands,
eyes that look blank
as you say you are sorry
for causing hurt but he
just got in your way...
It was God's plan that
this all happened.
Baby girl,
mommy is a nurse but
this is the one thing
I don't know how to
make better.
I gave birth to your
body, but not to your
mind~and darling,
I would give anything
to unlock the secrets
that hold you back,
just to see you smile
and give you back
your childhood,
your innocence.
Come back to me,
my baby girl.
I really do
miss your smile.
